Blue Blood-ties

I came across an old draft from 2012 that was never posted a while back. It was written on November 20th, the day X Japan’s Yoshiki was born, emotionally scribbled down as I was watching live DVDs, celebrating by myself.
I don’t know why I didn’t post it, but once the day had passed I supposed there was no point to it?

Today however, marks 27 years since X Japan’s debut album was released, and I can’t not re-write that old draft. Because this band has had such a profound role in my life and perhaps more than anything, in my writing.

The first time I heard an X song, I was around 17 and although the lyrics were mainly in English, the words were broken and hard to decipher, but it didn’t matter, I still found myself overcome with emotion, and like the name of the song itself, I was overcome with tears.

When I started working on SNOW,  X were a natural part of the process – largely thanks to those heart-wrenching and emotional lyrics, which were a perfect backdrop to the scenes I was writing down, but also because of Maaya.
When Maaya first appeared before my inner eye in 2006, he had pink hair; it was cut short, but I knew that he’d used to wear it long. I think from that moment, I knew he was a hide fan.

At that point, the connection between the music and the novel was made.

I didn’t make him a fan because I myself am a fan, but because it all seemed to fall into place so easily, so obviously. But this connection has been deepened by some really striking coincidences .

Maaya’s birthday is March 15th. I picked it for no particular reason, but as with all my characters, I spent a lot of time mapping out their personalities and matching zodiacs.
March 15th 2011 was set to be the release of X Japan’s single Jade – a song played at almost every show since their 2007 reunion, but which had yet to see an official release.
Jade  means an enormous deal to me personally, but the fact that it was scheduled for Maaya’s birthday with the name that it had, and the message it carried… It was almost a little too coincidental.

Due to the tragedy of 3-11, Tohoku and the subsequent tsunami, the single was postponed, and not released until about a month later, but that didn’t change anything, least of all the way Jade was a bridge between my two novels, between Maaya and Aki’s stories.

At the time, I was mid-Jaded, and at a crossroads. For the longest time I had no idea what I was doing, or how the story would turn out. I was struggling with an element that no longer seemed to fit into the story, but which I had been holding on to for years already. I didn’t know if I should keep holding on, or if I should just let it go and let the story evolve into the new direction I had staked out. Somehow, the decision was made – albeit unconsciously.

I’m going through the old draft as I am writing this post, and being reminded again, of how deep this connection runs. It’s almost a little freaky, I think to myself as I sift through the lines and find facts long forgotten.

Apparently, the night I finished Jaded’s first draft, though nowhere near completion of anything but the overall story, was on this day, the anniversary of Blue Blood.
When the album came out, I was 9 months old. I wish I could say I grew up with this night, but at this point that’s what it feels like. I didn’t, but my writing certainly did.

On the date of the original draft, November 20th 2012, I announced the release date for Jaded. I wrote the following:  “Seems only right that events would drag out long enough for the announcement to be made on Yoshiki’s birthday.”

Today, I’m having a day off, and by chance this first day off in months falls on the anniversary of Blue Blood. At the end of the original draft, I wrote that I was watching them play Joker while smiling crookedly. Four years later I am listening to Celebration, and I hope that this strange connection my writing has with this fantastic band will never let up.

 

 

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“Hey, can you do my bookreport”

I was reading this article today (Norwegian only, sorry), and I had to laugh. Basically, the article is about a Norwegian mystery/crime novelist who talks about receiving mails from students doing book reports or semester assignments on him and his novels. He claims that the threshold for e-mailing the author personally is way too low in this country.. Why? Because not only are students e-mailing him asking for basic facts to put in their reports, but some even ask him to send them entire summaries of his novels. In other words – they are asking the author to do their assignment for them.
I found this immensely amusing because well, I’ve had some similar experiences myself. Though, I have yet to be asked to summarize my own novels, and so far nobody has asked me to answer their assignments for them, but I have had my share of e-mails with all kinds of weird questions that I cannot imagine are relevant to the sender’s book report.

I understand that the author in the article wonders if he should laugh or cry when he is mailed a list of generic questions, that are basically just copy-pasted from the demands made by the assignment. Still… At least you should know the gender of the person you’re doing the report on?

As amusing as I find this entire thing, I also do think it is a bit concerning that so many students take the easy way out, rather than doing their own assignments, or reading the books themselves. You’re only fooling yourself in the end, and honestly, there is a book for everyone out there, but to find it means to read.
Remember to do your own homework, kids!

With that said, I just want to clear something up. I mostly commented on this because of the hilarity of someone actually asking the author to summarize his own novel in 100-200 words, rather than doing it themselves. Does anyone really expect that the answer to this would be “Yeah sure, here is an in-depth analysis of my own novel for you.”
Not only is it ridiculous, but it’s also quite disrespectful towards someone who put so much work into this book, and you’re practically saying “I don’t care about your novel. I don’t want to read it. Tell me all about it yourself.”
As an author, I’ve had some harsh experiences where I’ve been at my table at some event and someone comes up, drawn in by Lanny’s amazing cover art, picked up a copy, flipped through it and then said “Ew, it’s an actuall book.” As much as I understand that not everyone enjoys reading, or that maybe my genre isn’t their thing, please consider the feeling of the author when they’re sitting right in front of you. Constructive criticism, and discussion is welcome, but don’t step all over the author without even having a valid argument!

I’m sure nobody means to hurt the author when they do things like this, and most authors probably just shrug it off and laugh, but the worry lies in how they don’t seem to consider the author at all. Moreover, cheating as a whole doesn’t bear witness to much self respect.

Woah, I didn’t mean for this to turn into a rant, I originally just wanted to share the article, but got carried away.

When it comes to me, I am always happy to answer your questions – I am, after all not your generic, best-selling author, so the amount of information available online is limited. You won’t find me on Wikipedia (as far as I know?), so if you’re doing a book report, or project on my writing, contacting me might be your only resort.
I don’t mind this one bit – in fact, I am incredibly honored whenever someone have chosen my novels or me for their assignments. It is a really strange feeling, but I’m very thankful!
However, know that while I will reply to any questions you might have about my writing, or personal details that might be relevant for the assignment, I will not tell you what my novels are about because you didn’t bother reading them (though, if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be picking me for your assignment in the first place, right?) . And, there are certain personal questions I won’t answer, namely concerning my family etc. But honestly, how relevant are my parents’ middle names to your book report?
What I’m trying to say is that I hope you will all consider before asking mundane questions to an author and asking them to solve your assignment for you. In some cases, the only way to get the answer you’re looking for, is to search out the author themselves, and that’s okay. And most authors are slightly narcissistic in nature – we love talking about our own projects, so most likely we’ll love the attention, but be respectful!

This entry is all over the place, so I think I’ll finish here. But if you have any wish to contact me about my writing for a project, don’t be afraid to do so, just drop me an e-mail!

Freedom in a flurry of (bad) words

This year, I was convinced November would be a dreary one – sunk into the despairing pits of exam preparations as I was.
If you know me for the habitual creature I am, you’ll know that I write in November. Most likely, I write more in November than I do the rest of the year, simply because November is the kick in the ass I need to actually clear my schedule and stop down-prioritizing my writing.
With November, comes NaNoWriMo – and before that, comes the budding excitement, the tingling in my fingertips and distress at the back of my head as the skeleton of a plot begins to assemble. Since signing up to write the first 50k of SNOW in 2007, the dread I felt then has gradually made way for familiarity, and reverence. NaNoWrimo is one of my favorite seasons, though the change has been unnoticeable.
Why?
Because every year in October, the excitement and impatience I felt during September has waned into a dread of: “Oh God why, I don’t have the time. I don’t have a plot. HOW DO I?!”
And yet, I’ve always pulled through. This is my sixth NaNo, and it’s different.

The pressure was high with this one – still is.
First and foremost, I am one of these crazy people who writes the 50k in about 1/3 of the time. My first year, the 50 oo0 words were done on Day 19. Somehow, the standard for me as lowered itself to day 9-10. I think Day 9 is the lowest I’ve gone, and this year’s goal was a maddening 8 days of writing to have the challenge conquered by Day 8. Due to procrastination, distraction and this thing called “life”, this obviously didn’t happen. However, we’re at Day 9. I’ve got 42k, and I’m decided on finishing today.
– of course, I’m slightly put off by the fact that I’ve slept for 9(!) hours tonight, and wasted most of my day, postponing everything. I’m also going off to attend the yearly demonstration against the fur industry around five, because I can’t afford to miss it. However, I will finish.
And then one can only hope I don’t do that stupid thing I always do where I hit the goal and just stop, even though I have a whole plot to finish.
SNOW and Jaded were both NaNovels, and they were written “mostly during November” and then “all over the place”.
With SNOW, it was started during NaNo 2007, and then finished in December/January 2009. Jaded turned me into a rebel: it was written over the course of NaNo 2009 and 2010, and then finished up after being more or less deserted, in 2012.

This novel, is probably never going to see the light of day. Sorry to disappoint anyone who’s been hoping while reading my status updates.
I’ve realized that my suspicions about “The Silent” were correct: this isn’t a novel. It’s a short story. Or…perhaps a novella. I don’t know yet. I love these characters, the setting and the plot itself, but after 42 000 words of emptiness, I realize that I’m just trying to fill the void until we get to the actual plot.
I’m sure that you will get to know these characters, and read this story at one point, but not in it’s current state. It’s going to need alot of work before I dare to show it off. But first, I want to finish this atrociousness. I want to map out all possibilities, so that I can freely pick and choose when I decide to work on it properly.
Please wait for that day.

The other thing I’ve been hinting at (oh btw, you guys suck at taking hints. Or, I’m just bad at giving them) has nothing to do with this story; that’s a completely different matter.

Anyway.
This year, I wasn’t going to do this. I thought that it wouldn’t be possible, as I am pining over far too many text books and curriculum at the moment for it to be advisable. However, it turned out to go against my sanity to not participate this year. I decided I wanted to do it – to get these (badly written) words out, and then go back to studying without the stress of not having written for ages hanging over me.
I presumed it would be more insane to try to do this when I’m far more busy this November than I have been for years – I’ve got all kinds of stuff going on, studying for no less than 11 exams, plowing through text books, editing an old project, corresponding with my editor, I need to write essays, and I work. I didn’t think it would be possible to squeeze in NaNo this year, certainly not with the aforementioned pressure of finishing earlier than ever before…
And yet..
This year’s NaNo is definitely weird. It’s different.
I thought it would be way worse, considering all the factors above.
But the moment the clock on my display hit 00:00 on the evening of October 31st, I put away my social anthropology notes, and started writing. It came with a surge of absolute freedom.
These past 8 days have been very strange – the words are just streaming out, even though I’ve been a bit lazy in the last two days, but the story is shaping up. Last night a plot twist revealed the key to how the pieces would fit together. But it’s weird.
Usually, when I write during November, there’s a very strict routine. Perhaps because I’ve always written characters that have had the chance to develop and become near and dear to me, they’ve always had playlists.
Every year I’ve withhold what I was told by WriMoRadio in 2007; that the best food to keep up your energy level while chasing the word count are tubed potato chips, donuts and buckets of caffeine, and so, I’ve always stocked up the house, and probably wasted time eating when I should’ve been writing.
I’ve pulled over-caffeinated all-nighters, and fallen asleep at the keyboard despite the loud music blaring into the apartment.
And all of this has been NaNo in my mind. This is what I want.
I realized, I could have finished much earlier, had I just stayed focused and written on – but why would I? I know that once I hit the 50k, I no longer have the satisfaction of seeing that green progress bar move. When that little glass vial is filled with green serum (this is how I see the progress bar, leave me alone), I no longer feel that competitive need to carry on, and so, I lose the interest. It’s over. I’ve got nothing to chase, and so there is no point in staying focused.
Regardless, it’s not about chasing the word count – it’s about the mood. The setting and the season. I don’t want to finish on Day 5, because I’ve got traditions to keep up!

And still. This year has been very different.
I haven’t written from dusk till dawn, I haven’t had more than a couple of cans of energy drinks and three donuts so far. I haven’t finished any of my three pringles cans. There is no playlist – at least not beyond two or three songs, but most of this novel has been written in silence.
Everything is different. I thought this year would be more nervous and stressful than anything else, and instead, I found freedom in these 8 days, like I probably knew I would. Because writing is what keeps me sane.
I think I needed this break from studying, even though I feel like every day I don’t study while the exams draw closer, I am wasting time.
And yet I’m not. I haven’t been this calm in over a month.
This is what I’m supposed to be doing. This is what November is all about.
So be it then, that the story so far is awful.

Warning! Contains homosexuality

Isn’t it odd? If you look around the internet, there will be warnings like this on things like artworks, fanarts or original stories.
Why is that?
Is it because we’re so used to society planting this idea in our heads that we should make other people aware of these things, in case it offends them? Or is it a defense mechanism in the sense that if someone is against the theme and chooses to read the story anyway, they can’t start flaming the person who posted it – they were warned in advance.

During the release event for Jaded in December, I naturally got some interest from people who weren’t familiar with my work from before, which is always nice for me. Some would ask me questions, some would buy books, and even if they didn’t, I’ve had nothing but encouraging words from people who thought it was really cool for me at my age to do this on my own. However, there were also a couple of awkward situations where people automatically assumed I wrote fantasy novels. Perhaps because that’s mainly the kind of novels Outland sell, or maybe because that’s what they themselves fancy in literature. I have no problem with this, I*ll laugh and say “This isn’t exactly sci-fi or fantasy”
(Though, truthfully, my works do light a fire under certain fangirl fantasies, after all, this is BL)
Anyway. The problem occurs when people just assume this is what I write, but they don’t say it out loud. For instance, there was one man who came up to me. And no offense, I have readers of all shapes and sizes, but he certainly didn’t look like the kind of person who’d read BL. But judging a book by its cover would certainly be bad for the author to do, so I just smiled politely as he asked me if I also signed the first novel.
I pointed him in the direction of SNOW, thinking that okay, he’ll probably read the back. So when he came back to the table, and asked me to sign the copy, I assumed he knew what he was getting into.
Still, there was still a small urge in me to tentatively ask if he was sure this was the kind of story he was looking for. Though, I decided not to. After the book was signed though,he mentioned that he thought it was important to support young fantasy authors.
And I awkwardly replied that “I…don’t really write fantasy though.”
So I had to explain the basic concept. At this point the novel was already signed. But I wonder what he felt about the novel he’d just bought, knowing what it was about?

Nevertheless, he did say that it was far from his regular tastes, but that he’d give it a try.

What is there to say about this? Perhaps it wasn’t his kind of novel. Perhaps he didn’t read it?
But what if he did. And what if he ended up enjoying it despite the theme?

I don’t think it would sound right if I had to warn all potentially unaware readers before selling them anything. Books are to be enjoyed. Nothing will come to your harm if you read a novel and decide that you didn’t enjoy it. Perhaps it stings a bit in your wallet. But what’s the harm?

Today as well, I showed Jaded to someone. This person is far from into this stuff, moreover, he’s a grown man and the thought of homo eroticism might not exactly entice him. However, he leafed through the book, laughed at the more sexual scenes that popped out at him and mentioned that it was far from his tastes, but that he thought it was really cool still.
My initial thoughts when he asked about it, was to get anxious. Because I didn’t want to risk getting into conflict with someone about my themes.

I actually feel so bad when that happens. Because there’s nothing wrong in enjoying BL, there is nothing wrong in having a sexual preference. There’s nothing wrong in having an opinion as long as you don’t use it to hurt others.
All the same, I always feel awkward when I have to carefully map out the terrain before I talk about my novels with people I don’t know. Because I don’t want to get into discussions (or rather, I don’t want to show my aggressive side to people I don’t know…?). and because people might suck and take my writing as an offense. But honestly, if we do this… If we WARN each other about the content when it’s not harmful at all… What good does that do?

I write my novels for several reasons. One of them is enlightenment. To bring this kind of subject forwards in contemporary literature, as well as to put a twist on the genre itself. But if I have the urge to warn potential readers, won’t that have the opposite effect?
It’s different from putting on a warning label for coarse language and sexual content, but to warn people because of who the main characters fall in love with?
That’s not right.
Moreover, won’t it scare off readers?
What if a person picks up the novel, has no idea what it’s about and ends up liking the characters or the story enough to keep reading. What if they find out that it didn’t offend them?

I want to become more honest.
Honestly, I am very bad at talking about my writing to other people because it’s such a personal thing for me. But I will do my best to keep my head up and proudly recommend that people try from now on. Warning people just because of the main characters sexuality is medieval.

As per usual, I’ve lost my train of thought. I’m just saying that there’s no point in warning someone about something that doesn’t do anyone any harm.
It’s not like anyone warns me “that is a mystery novel you know!”, just because I might not look like someone who enjoys that kind of story.
Books are there to broaden horizons. I think that’s something to consider.

So yeah. That concludes a little bout of loud-thinking on my part. Going to bed now, and hoping that this made sense in some way. I am exhausted.

Ps. If the title confused you and you ARE looking for homosexual content, I suggest you check the drabble/snippet tag on the side here. Something might soothe the urge.

Happy Easter everyone!

The tale of little miss perfectionist

Although I was advised by some not to make a big point out of this, it’s not like you’re not going to notice, so I’m just going to rip the band-aid off and address the issue:

I am a slob.
Growing up, I would constantly hear that I should learn to take things more slowly. I was told to try to color inside the lines, to use a ruler when drawing “straight” lines, and to try to be more focused and less rushed when ie. drawing. Arts and crafts were a nightmare, because I just wanted to finish – and I wanted the product to be good, but I didn’t want to work harder on it. I believed that some things you’re good at, some things you aren’t. I don’t think sewing aprons, making bird houses or ceramics were ever things I’d become good at no matter what I did.
Writing however, has always been my strongest point.
But… I suppose I’m still a bit of a slob. It hurts admitting to that in public – as I do sort of consider myself a perfectionist. But the differences collide, and it ends up sounding contradictory.

When SNOW came out, it was a complete whim that had made me decide to publish it. I was so nervous and so stressed, I didn’t give myself enough time to perfect it. As grateful as I am for everyone who loves it; for the story and the characters. I do feel like I could’ve taken the time to work more on it; to work out the parts that still don’t sit perfectly with me – and more than anything, to fix everything that was wrong.
Despite my editor’s heroic efforts and praise, both of us managed to miss so many typos, and even some very ugly flaws I had forgotten to change in the final script. The shame and terror I felt upon discovering it only days before the release was staggering and defeating. I still cringe and curse myself when I think of it.
Obviously SNOW will never be perfect, and even if it’s not a great thing to know, my language does have flaws. But the faults that are in there because I failed to discover them – that haunts me and stays with me. And I still wish I could call back all the first copies of the novel and give everyone a new, shiny one – sweep it all under a rug and pretend it never happened.

And now. History is repeating itself. In (as of yet) a far less glaring and horrifying way, but for the same damn reason: My idiotic pride.
I’m so proud, I hate asking for help. And these two projects have been kept secret from pretty much everyone. I keep having this desire to surprise and please my friends and readers that I don’t want anyone aside from my editor and me seeing the script before it’s published.

This will have to change. Although I did have a proofreader for the first few drafts, I was on my own for the final part of the process. I was on my own when reading the proof copy. And because I know the lines and the context, there will be flaws I miss simply because I don’t see them. Many of these are new, “written in” as we rewrote part of the script for the final edit, and thus they remain.
In this case, there are very few typos, but several embarrassing cases of spaces or quote-marks going astray. I suppose it doesn’t bother the reader too much, but it bothers me, because I feel shameful for having been too sloppy again.
I feel discouraged because I failed to make perfection yet again, and I don’t want to disappoint my readers by seeming like I didn’t really work hard.
I don’t know… If you tell me you didn’t like the novel because it wasn’t your type of book, or you never really connected with the characters, I will definitely understand, because everyone has different tastes, and we can’t all love the same books. But if I was told that my sloppy language was the reason – I’d be really disappointed in myself for having allowed that to happen.

I’m putting myself completely on display here, although I didn’t want to go this much in depth of my feelings regarding the matter.
But the fact is: Outland have received their first batch. Two of my friends have already received their copies, and the pre-orders are on their way as we speak: and the novels are far from perfect – again.
This means I will have to feel embarrassed – again, over something I could have avoided had I cast aside my pride and allowed someone else to proof with me for the final part of the process. The next batch of books should be flawless (although never say never), but I will always remember my self-resentment for having done this again.

Before, I said I was always aiming to exceed – to avoid failure. Failing at this is of course a major let-down. I might let it get to me more than I should – but I also know that to many, absolute perfection is expected when they read a book, and I don’t want to disappoint.

I suppose this is what they mean by learning your lesson the hard way: Next time, I’ll have proof readers, no matter how much I hate showing an unfinished product.
And yes, we all make mistakes. But making these kinds of mistakes in full public view, affecting someone else’s expectations is still very bitter.
Allow me to sulk for a while. And please, try to enjoy Jaded despite its flaws. I appreciate it, and I hope you will still appreciate the story itself.


Well…at least this didn’t happen. This lovely edit was contributed by my cat, and was impossible to miss.

Victory!

Well! I actually wrote a couple of drafts before the start of NaNo, thinking I’d be clever and still keep the blog up and running while writing, but in between writing, schoolwork, and a little thing called sleep, there wasn’t really any time. On top of that, the proof copy of Jaded arrived in the mail last Friday, so I had to proof it for errors, and hopefully I succeeded better than I did with the first round of SNOW. Altogether, the process took most of the weekend, and me, annoyed with myself for having “slacked off” (even though I was working) for two days, and ended up writing almost 9000 words on Sunday. About 5000 of those were written between Saturday night and Sunday morning. I went to bed at six am, having hit 50k at five sharp.

Of course being full of caffeine and adrenaline, I don’t think I fell asleep until closer to seven, and then I was forcibly wakened by my phone at ten. Well, in any case, I’ve hit the 50k for this November, and although my goal is actually to finish this script by December 1st, we’ll see howthat goes.
The story I’m writing now is much simpler than Jaded, and I have a very goodrelationship to put it that way, with the main character, os it’s a much easier story than Jaded, which is fairly liberating. But also weird.
My biggest problem is that that 50 000 word mark is like a carrot, and once I’ve obtained it my determination kinda burns out. That was the case with both SNOW and Jaded, which were left hanging at about 56k for a year each, before I continued. This time, I’d like to do it all in one push, so to speak.
Wish me luck!


Luckily, Sanza is always ready to “help” with the script.

I also went to the city on Saturday to demonstrate against the fur trade in Norway. Honestly, I was disappointed by tehe crowd that had assembled; an estimated 250-300 people. I’m so glad that people get involved, but in this kind of relatively big city, there should be more people speakng up against this kind of organized animal cruelty.
However, it was amazing to see all the torches and hearing the crowd scream at the top of their lungs that they wanted this cruelty to stop.
Hopefully this will be the last time we need to do this; it’s time that they put an end to this.

Aand, while I was in the city to begin with, we stopped by Outland to make some arrangements.
I’m bursting with excitement, and plans, but I guess I’ll have to keep quiet for a while longer.
What I can say is that I really wanted to get Jaded out before the end of November, but that the release date is in limbo, courtesy of the printer’s and shipping time. So until I know when the orders will be delivered, I can’t say anything. However, things are definitely happening,and I sincerely hope that the wait will be over soon. I’m also going to work on the possibilites for pre-orders, but we’ll see what will come out of that.
In any case, I hope you all keep your eyes peeled! Things are going to happen really quickly from now on.

I’ll keep writing now, fueledy by my top 3: Caffeine, Pringles and Donuts!

Have a good Tuesday everyone.

Insanity

I’m surprised at my own energy level today. As you might’ve seen, I received Jaded back from my editor on Tuesday night, and he’s SO positive about it, I actually had to cry some joyous tears upon reading his comments.
However, we’re not done yet. Since that moment and up until 3 am last night, I’ve been poring over the script, making changes and editing grammar and minor typos. We’ve still got another 60 pages, which I’ll get as soon as he’s done with them, and then there’s another round. after that, all that remains is the proofing. so with this in mind, I’ve been surprisingly efficient, and I’ve honestly enjoyed this part of the editing process immensely. Well, with the exception of last night when I had some battles with myself, and with the processor. I feel like I hav a knige at my throat, ready to slice,as a major do not want appeared, and it might force me to have to make a major last-minute change. It won’t mean much to the story, but to me, it will really hurt. So I hope there’s a way to avoid it. If there isn’t, then so be it.

In any case. I finished editing at sometime before three, sent the script back, along with some other stuff, and a long-ass rant about my newfound issue, before crashing. I did get six hours of sleep, but I’d never think I’d actually function today. When I went to bed my eyes were red and florid, from fatigue, strain and allergies. I kept sneezing my head off, and my FACE was swollen. On top of that my head and neck hurt. Woke up this morning; not a trace of either. What?
What is this miracle?

It’s a strange feeling, not having to do anything. I’m so swamped from here on, I’m just going to take today to relax. Tomorrow I’ll be going to Outland’s Halloween event, doing a cosplay I’ve wanted to do for years! Haha, can you guess~ ?
Hopefully I’ll be able to finish the last 60 pages and the final round by Monday, so I can start cramming for my exam. *sigh* This is so stressful, but it’s going to be so worth it! But right now, I’m gonna take my super-clingy cat, and glue myself to teh couch, with snacks, while reading Perks.

Oh btw, winter has come to Trondheim.:

All of it. At once.
Enoy your weekend guys!

Somebody rescue me!

Or…clone me. I don’t know.
As I’m writing this, I’m in my kigurumi on the couch, stressing myself to death. I just did all of my school work for this week in one go, to get it out of my way as I’m expecting to do the final edit for Jaded this week. However, I can’t start until I’ve received the script back from my editor*. Any time now.

But as I’m just stuck here waiting, I’m pretty much bouncing off the walls. I’ve more or less only got this week to finish it, as NaNo starts next Thursday, so obviously I’ll be busy. If I have to, I will work on Jaded during NaNo, but as I also have another project planned, I don’t want the two to collide and interfere with each other. Then I have a test on ideologies and nationalism that same day, so I’ll have to study as well. On top of that, I’m watching movies with big bro on Tuesday, because it’s been forever, and I am MAKING time for it.

ugh. So once I’m done whining, I’m gonna do my notes for next week’s test, hoping to save some time, and then clean the house with the frustration I have over not knowing when I can finish Jaded. Uuugh.

And all I want is to just tell you guys the release date.

Somebody….help.

 

*EDITOR. Not Author. You see how stressed I am?!

How I spent my summer vacation

I can’t believe the first day of school is here. It’s not long since I got the letter informing me school started in 10 days. Heck, it’s not long since summer started, especially since we didn’t get any kind of summery weather until just last week.

At the start of this summer, I was optimistic. I had a plan.
The plan was as follows: Finish editing the script and send it to the editor by early July. It became apparent fairly quickly that that woulnd’t happen.
I think I was being fairly efficient at first, but a series of social events sabotaged my drive.
Then there was Torucon, which has taken up so much of my time lately, I’ve just had to put everything on hold. With roughly a month left before the big day, we’re working really hard to get everything in place, and hoping to give everyone the best con-experience they can have.
The rest of my plans, should I succeed in finishing my work, would look like this:
* Catch up with all my series
* Catch up with all my manga
* Read all of Mars in one sitting
* Plow through a list of books (actually, I got about halfway, which is decent)
* Play Super Nintendo
* Sit outside in the sun, just enjoying summer (can be combined with reading, but we had no sun)

I didn’t get to do any of the above. I did get 40 episodes into Sailor Moon, and managed to keep up for the most part on the new series of the season, but there hasn’t been much else.
Actually, I think major parts of the last week were a product of my incredible restlessness and annoyance with this project: I completely blew it off, and spent my days hanging out with a friend who’s moving, and other friends who relieved me of my insanity by coming over to watch movies and concert DVDs while griping about how this (terrible excuse for a) summer was coming to an end.

But for the most part, I can honestly say I’ve been immersed in Jaded.
The editing is getting to be way more thorough than I thought it would, probably because I made so many mistakes with SNOW, and I don’t want to do that again. That, and I noticed how haphazardously some of the events were thrown in there without considering when/where scenarios. Since there are two main characters, both timelines had to match, and it was a bit of a hassle.
However, while my final goal for the summer was to have sent the script to Mark by the time school started, which failed miserably, things are now going smoothly. In an epic bout of efficience, I did 7 chapters yesterday, after having gotten through a measly 3 the two previous days. At this pace, I will certainly have it covered in a matter of days. Even as school takes hold of my life, I’m lucky to only have one class to attend, so I’ll find a way.

If I want to be really positive about it, I’ll rip off yesterday’s tumblr-post, and say that this was pretty much me for the past two months:

Just without the sleep. And even though there’s tons of grautious nudity in this project, it wasn’t all that fun most of the time.
At least I’ve been productive. But I feel like I deserve a second vacation.
At the same time, I’m looking forward to seeing my classmates, and go back to our routines of ranting during lunch hours, geeking out every minute possible and getting a somewhat structured sleeping pattern.
And yet, I can’t shake that slightly sickening feeling of nervousness that always manifests itself in my being before a vacation ends, even when I’m not feeling anxious about it.
It’s a force of habit I guess. And I’m probably not the only one going through it.

Good luck today everyone.
I’m sure you’ll all be fine, especially those settling at new schools with new people. It’s not as bad as it might seem at first.
Look at it this way; there’s only a month until the first break commences.

Have a good first day of school!

What’s my age again?

Honestly, you’d think not having internet on my other laptop would stimulate me to get some work done before going out, but sadly, as I had to check my mail, I got lost on the internet on chibi instead. *sigh* Well, I might as well blog to get some editing rants off my chest.

Honestly, I can’t talk much about Jaded these days, as I’m in a pretty crucial place. Needless to say, I talk more about it than ever. My nerves are all high strung, and my eyes are frantically browsin gthe script for every and any inconsistency.
It’s because of this that the wretched timeline has come along.
Jaded spans over quite some time, and as I wrote it over several instances, I guess you can say there are bits and pieces that don’t quite correspond. Trying to make these connections is no easy job without rewriting large parts of the script (or maybe I’m overtinking it).
I don’t want the readers to be lost in timeskips, but I don’t want my characters to be rushed to fit a time frame.

This morning (I’ve been up for an hour btw…^^;;) I came to think of my beloved Kare Kano, which interpreted youth very well in the sense that what might seem rushed when you’re 20-25-36-40, is anything but when you’re a teenager. Days just fly by when you’re in school and your only job is to grow as a person and learn, not only curriculum, but who you are and what you want.
In that sense, I don’t think Jaded is as far off as I thought, even if there are a few times where I’m scratching my head, wondering why Yuuki seemingly doesn’t age at all at one point, or why it’s still summer when I thought they were well into September. Those things will be fixed. But as for the small parts where I find myself wondering if things are moving too fast, I think the issue lies within myself, not the text.

Yukino’s dad put it beautifully into words:

Going by that philosophy, I will give my all in looking over the script one more time, adjusting things into the timeline, but in a slightly more relaxed way.

But first, I’m gonna get dressed, and then meet a friend. We’re going to have a sorely needed fujiyoshi-rant day~
Have a good wednesday everyone~