A wordy November

December and the season of Advent is upon us. Soon, 2017 is behind, us and I realize that yet again I failed to keep this blog alive.
With a scrutinizing glare I realize that the last entry I made was back in February. Sigh.

However, just because I haven’t been writing anything here, it doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing.
Or. That was actually the case up until November 1st. After a two year absence due to exam stress and a deep depression, I was back where I belong; at my computer with a cupboard laden with energy drinks and pringles to get me through the fray.

When I last did NaNoWriMo, back in 2014, I “finished” on Day 6. What I mean by that is that I hit the required 50 000 words, and then went into my usual habit of stringing out a couple of words more, and then abandoning my script.

Nano stats PRE reord Screenshot-2017-11-11 National Novel Writing Month

Until this year, the longest I’d kept up with a NaNo-script was Love Addict in 2012, which somehow turned into a proper novel two years later.

This year, I decided to try something new: If you have ever seen me play Diablo III, you will know that I am an achievement whore, I NEED those achievements.
This year, I found that while I had been away the NaNo site had implemented a badge system, and I was dead set on catching ’em all. Which meant I had to update my word count daily for 30 days.
Considering my plot this year is fairly simple, I decided that I’d either get the 30 day badge OR I’d finish the script. Preferably both, but considering how simple my plot is compared to earlier novel drafts, I figured there was a chance I’d be done before the 30 day mark (As it turns out, I still write in an extremely roundabout way, so that didn’t happen).

This year’s novel is about a young man named Miyuki. At 29, he feels like he has achieved nothing; he has no education, no steady income and he is deeply depressed. On top of everything, he is trying to nurse himself back from heartbreak, and this leads him on a train journey through Europe. His goal is to pick up the pieces of his life and come to terms with a painful memory.

As it turns out, my journey with Miyuki took a lot longer and was alot wordier than I had expected. I’m used to a dialogue-based form of writing, so having a character who is by himself 90% of the time was a challenge. There is a lot of filler material that I’ll have to edit out at some point.

Anyway. The story about Miyuki came to me about a year or so ago, and I had written down some notes for it (very few as it turned out). I had very little to run on, but with no other pressing ideas, I decided to make it my project for this year’s NaNo.
I was nervous at first, uncertain of how to go about tackling this script. I hadn’t written anything in the form of fiction in two years, and I felt like I’d lost my way with words.

But then, on November 1st, I sat down and started typing.
It was an amazing feeling. I felt like I was home where I belonged. The words were flowing out, as if I had never been away from my writing at all.

As usual, I sort of lost my drive once I hit the 50k on day 5 (which had been my goal. I’m always striving to beat my own record). I went from writing 10k-ish words a day, to writing the bare minimum for a couple of weeks. Then yesterday, for the final push I suddenly got the wild idea that I wanted to finish the script.
I nearly made it. Miyuki still has one more train journey to make, and the hardest leg on teh whole of his trip. I have about two chapters and an epilogue to go.

The script currently sits at a total of 138.231 words, and it is going to be a nightmare to edit.
Nevertheless, I smashed all my NaNo records. I wrote for 30 consecutive days.
And. I did it all without my N-key, which abandoned ship about two months ago.

Screenshot-2017-12-1 National Novel Writing Month

Leave it to me to hit this kind of word count and still be dismayed that I slacked off and killed my epic curve.

And though I broke my NaNo-streak, having been absent for two years, it feels good to be back in the saddle. I’m ready to reclaim my throne. But first, I’m gonna celebrate Christmas!

(It needs to be said that the moment I updated my word count for the final time of 2017 – I fled onto the internet and left Miyuki in limbo somewhere in Belgium. I promise I won’t leave him there for good)


Absence and reasons

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a long time, but somehow time just never seems to be on my side. Torucon is about two weeks away, so I’m working with the rest of the crew more or less around the clock to get everything in place in time for the convention.
I also just came back from Tokyo three weeks ago, which of course was amazing! We had such little time, but still made it to several really cool and nerdy locations – not least a couple of locations from SNOW as well, which was super exciting, so I’m gonna make a separate post about that one of these days (I’ve been meaning to basically since we got back home).

But now for the main reason for this post: I’ve been more or less absent for an entire year at this point.
I haven’t written anything, on this blog, on tumblr or anything else for that matter in this past year, and it’s mostly due to two factors: I’ve been busy, but more importantly, I’ve been sick.

I’ve tried to be open about my struggles, and illness, so I want to continue in that tradition, but I haven’t had the time or strength to talk about it until now.
This past year has been incredibly difficult, with a lot of stuff happening in my personal life, not only to me, but to people close to me as well. I’ve also been a full-time student this year, which really wasn’t the best of choices as my health was already deteriorating before the school year had even started.
I’m not looking to go into detail, partially because it’s private, and partially because there’s just been so much happening, and I don’t even know where to start. I guess it’ll suffice to say that I’ve been, and to a certain degree, still am sicker than I’ve been for many years.

The thing about mental illnesses is that you get used to them, especially if you’ve been ill since you were born, which is basically what my life has been like. I don’t define myself as my illness, nor do I see the illness as part of me, but it has obviously shaped me and my life to some extent. When you’ve never been completely healthy, you don’t know what it is like to feel healthy either. So in a way, you get used to it, and you live with it. But sometimes you feel better. For the past few years I’ve been a pretty functional human being. I’ve been able to do a lot of things that were impossible before, and I’ve learned a lot, I’ve grown, gained skills and confidence. However, I tend to forget that I’m not entirely well, even when I do know my limitations and try to work with myself as best I can – but sometimes you relapse. This year has just been one long relapse, and for the most part, in addition to being dreadfully busy and stressed, I’ve been depressed, my anxieties have flared up, and I also received a “new” diagnosis (meaning that I’ve apparently had it for a while, but nobody bothered to tell me). It’s not “serious”, but my condition has been really bad. Add to this a lot of personal stress, and you get the reason for my absence. It’s very difficult when you are already feeling bad, and then you get the stress of uncertainty put on your shoulders as well. I don’t know what I’ll be doing after August, and that’s a huge stress factor as well. I want to write, but I don’t have any energy for it, or the time to do it.
I’m hoping that this fall will be calmer and that I’ll find my way back to my writing then, and also to posting regularly again maybe.
But for now, I need to listen to my body and take care of myself, because I haven’t really been doing that for this past year.

To anyone reading this who are struggling; Please know that it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to break down, and it’s okay to be sick. You are not a failure, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to take care of yourself.

Also, I had my (long overdue) birthday celebration yesterday, and the fact that I have people in my life that makes me smile like this, makes me think that somehow, I’ll be alright. ♡


New Beginnings and all that

It seems I only pop in here to complain about never writing, and proceeding to never write…
Well, to anyone reading this, Happy 2016 in any case! I sure hope it will be for every one of you!

A couple of days ago, I wrote on my author page: “4 days into the new year, and I’m already behind on everything”. I still am, which is why this end-of-year post is six days late, and might be kind of half-assed. Sorry about that, but I also hope that you will still read it, because there are some things I want to express, though I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to say everything frankly or not.

To start with; 2015 wasn’t all bad. In fact, it had a lot of really good things to it, not only to me personally, but for the people around me as well, which to be honest, is a really great feeling!
For me though, 2015 was also a really rough year. The latter half in particular, which is largely the reason for my absence on social media, as well as my lack of social life in general.

Last year, I wrote about 2014 having been hard, with the tons of private exams, the change of jobs, the class I had to take and also a lot of private issues that put a damper on an otherwise good year.
This time around, the stress and tumults of 2014 appears to only have been the prologue of what was to come in 2015.
I really don’t want to go into details, because the wounds are still quite fresh, and the road forward from here is unpaved, but basically, after a rough start of 2015, due to some chaotic personal events, the months February ’till late July were full of exciting, good happenings; catching up with old friends I hadn’t seen in a while, traveling to Stockholm to not only see, but also meet one of my favorite bands, cosplay events, festival events and preparations for Torucon and so on.
From late July and into August this kind of died down, and though there were assorted flecks of light, most of the time until right before Christmas was fairly dark and depressing.
I had to take time off from social media, even tumblr, where I wrote a short notice on having become ill, but not elaborating.

It’s no secret that I’ve had my bouts with mental illness for most of my life, but for the most part, it’s manageable. The past years have been relatively stable, so when it it again with such force, I was completely bowled over by how bad it used to be. I haven’t been this sick since 2008/2009, and I was hoping I’d never have to be here again. This time around, I’ve got so much on my plate, obligations and expectations, and no idea how to decide whether it’s time to stop and move in a different direction. Making the right choices is terribly hard, and so I’m stuck in this stand-still, where nothing really improves, trying to move forwards as best I can. Because of this, I’m probably going to remain offline and vague about things for a while longer.

In many ways, 2015 was a complete hell, but I also had a lot of good times. Particularly the last couple of weeks of the year, spent entirely surrounded by the best people; my family and friends who were all home for the holidays. I know I am going to crash when these days are over, but it was nice to have a break, and things to look forward to for a while.

As usual, I kept one of these:


A jar of lovely things that happened over the course of the year, and though the latter half of 2015 was so hard,  I still had a lot of good things happen that made me smile throughout the year:


From the simplest signs of spring, to the greatest of 2015’s moments, some of the good memories accumulated this year included the following (no fancy image this year, because I had to reinstall my laptop and I haven’t been bothered installing PS yet):

♥In spite of it all, going to the reunion
♥Good friends and warm hugs
♥Sisterly bonding
♥Flopping bunny
♥ADAMS live
♥Meeting lovely readers
♥Reliving childhood, aka sliding down a hill
♥Cosplaying Pinky
♥World’s best Gran
♥The year of BL (hopefully) (Comment; despite writing this down early in 2015, I’ve barely had time to check out any of these new BL things!) ♥Taking a walk for the first time in forever
♥Love and understanding
♥Hyde Cosplay ♡
♥Friends who buy you energy drinks and snacks
♥Still having things to be happy about
♥Love letter from Outland
♥“Team Bastard” vs “Team Loser”
♥Tears of happiness
♥Fanmail about Love Addict
♥Building a snowman despite the terrible snow
♥Crying Torucrew
♥Being a trusted ally for a friend
♥Shibuya-ward legislation!
♥Laughing again
♥Verdens kleineste filmkveld
♥Gaming inside with the storm raging outside
♥People being interested in Yuuki
♥Fangirling with Boo again ♡♡
♥Giving heartfelt compliments

This year, a lot of the loveliest things were related to love, support and co-dependency, personal feats and strength and…a surprising amount of mentions of food and presents (in the form of food) from friends, haha~ I’m lucky to have these people in my life!

I always like looking back at these notes of happiness in the start of the new year; to reminisce about every little moment, and smile at thinking about them. And it’s always so strange, like; there were some memories from last January, when we had a friend staying with us, of shopping, ice skating and trips to the forest – and then from December, having talked to the same friend on facebook. She’s back in Japan, and I received a present from her yesterday. It really makes you realize “Oh wow, it’s been a whole year!”
Amazing, but kind of melancholic at the same time.

2016 is looking out to have a rough first half as well, but I think eventually I’ll be fine. I have no resolutions, but I have made a few moves towards making a decision. I have some tentative goals. I hope that come summer, I will be back on track and back to writing. Even if this year won’t be the start of something grandiose, I think it will still be an exciting and challenging year, in a good way too!
Please wait for me 2016, I’m coming after you!

But first…I need to get to the doctor and deal with this eye infection. Such a great start to the new year!

If you read all of this, thank you very much!
I don’t know when I’ll be back in earnest, but I’ll do my best to hang in there. Take care guys, I hope you’ve had a lovely holiday season



2014 Digest

Another year has passed, and much like I feared, I didn’t blog at all in 2014. I hope that wasn’t a resolution for the past year? Let’s say it wasn’t.

When I think of 2014 in retrospect, I tend to think that it was a very uneventful year, at least compared to 2013! My friends and I have many annual traditions, so it often seems like the most memorable things from the year that went, are usually the same every year. And yet very different.
It kind of feels like 2014 was half good old traditions, and half intense studying for so many exams, I can’t even remember anymore.
But when I look a little closer, it was much more than that. The latter part of 2014 in particular, came with some huge changes in my life.

Love Addict was released of course, long overdue, and with my heart trembling at the thought of sharing this (for now) last piece of the Jaded SNOW project with everyone. And, being what it was, I was extremely nervous about how people would take to this story in comparison to the first two.

As much as I’d love to, I can’t live on my writing alone, so I work on the side. In September, I suddenly had no time for writing (not that there had been much of that anyway, with all the exam preparations all year through), because I had to work full-time. And then in October it came to a very abrupt halt when my workplace was closed down.
November came with NaNoWriMo, and job hunting. By December, I had a new job, which doesn’t suit me at all, but is challenging and fun all the same.

The biggest change though, is something I can’t really say that I feel on my body, to use that term of expression; it’s not something that is visible, and I can’t say it’s changed me as a person. But, it’s changed my course in life.
On December 1st, I got my diploma. In Norwegian, that would be Vitnemål, which is loosely the same as a High School Diploma, but different.
This is something I haven’t talked about. It’s not that I’ve been ashamed – I’ve written before about bullying and personal illness which forced me to drop out of school at 17. At times, I’ve felt left behind, and the inferiority complex at watching my peers and even their younger siblings rise through upper secondary and university, while I remained in the same spot, has been gnawing at my mind, but at the same time I’ve known that there’s been a reason for why my life turned out the way it did. I’ve not been ashamed, but it’s been too personal to want to talk much about it .
And this journey towards actually completing school, has been a long, winding path, complete with fighting the bureaucracy and my own demons. It’s taken a very long time compared to what it should have, and all along I’ve been terrified to tell anyone what I was doing, because if I failed, I felt like things would get so much worse.
In a society where everyone wants you to be perfect, and where everyone expects you to follow a certain path, it’s not accepted to fall behind the way I did, and I’ve had a lot of condescending comments from ignorant people along the way.

But you know, I did it. In my own way, by my own terms and in my own time.
Although people tell me that “someone as clever as you should’ve done that long ago” or “You’re so clever! You should go onto studying at university!”, it irks me that they’ve chosen not to look past the image of me being clever – yes, I am, but there are underlying factors, and reasons to why this has taken so long. And you know what? Although I wish I could’ve been finished earlier, I don’t regret a single thing, even though falling behind wasn’t a conscious choice I made. In the meantime, I have done so many things that I know I wouldn’t have done otherwise. I’ve published three novels, I’ve learned a language, I’ve developed in all kinds of ways.
Regret changes nothing. And the reason I wanted to write this long-ass ramble, was that I know many of you are struggling with various things, and feeling like you’re not good enough, or not doing things right – and that is not true.
Three years ago, I never thought I’d get a diploma. Five years ago, I didn’t want one. I’d given up, and settled on my future as a “failure”.
This is me telling you that sometimes you have to take the long way around, and nobody can tell you that that’s wrong!

I don’t feel any different really. But knowing that I completed that step in my life – that feels good. And I’m very proud of myself. So that’s probably the most important thing that’s happened in 2014!

I also experienced loss this year. My wonderful bunny passed away. I’d had him for almost nine years, more or less since the day he was born, so that was a huge blow, and incredibly difficult, not only for me, but for everyone who knew and loved him. Being a rabbit who loved everyone, there were a lot of people who were saddened by it.
Although I wasn’t planning on it, I ended up adopting a new bunny a while later, and teeny little Seira became a member of ours household.

Much like last year, I also kept a Jar of Lovely Things again in 2014, and though I slacked off and probably forgot to add a bunch of things over the course of the year, I stacked up on some wonderful memories!
The lovely things in the jar range from bacon to fangirling to huge turning points in life.
Some (very random) extracts from 2014 include, in no particular order:

Lovely things 14

Turns out 2014 was pretty eventful after all, and full of new experiences. Most of them were good ones. I already have great plans for 2015, so bring it on!

Thanks for sticking with me for this past year. I hope for your support again in 2015~
Happy New Year everyone! ♡

Hectic lifestyle

Augh, is there ever anything such as enough time in this world?

My absence lately can largely be credited to some massive changes in my life, as well as the preparation and execution of Torucon’s Halloween event ‘Toruween’ which I was one of the leaders behind. Despite some chaotic days of rigging beforehand, we managed to finish the event safely and successfully on Friday night!
I had such a good time playing host up on stage, together with Aurora for once, and having been half of the leading team, and an in-promptu member of the deco crew, I have learned a lot of new things, and gained some more insight into what other parts of our crew do as well, which is definitely a good experience to have. Hopefully, it can help me become a better crew member overall!

It was also fun to be allowed to cosplay as part of the crew for once. I had been wanting to do this cosplay ever since the Hallween Party PV came out, so I was very excited about it~


Among the decorations, we had a fandom graveyard to set off the feels of all our attendees right off the bat. 
I decided to break my own heart a little, so I ordered the decoration crew to make Maaya’s grave stone as well.

…and brought it home with me

Because I was busy helping with shopping for materials, building a haunted house and decorations, the event itself and then taking it all down again on Monday, I’ve barely had any time to be online.

In addition, I was working on my quinque for my Halloween cosplay at Outland for Saturday, every free moment I got outside of Toruween preparation, to the point where we got there two hours before closing time, just because the damned thing wasn’t done in time. So much stress! By the time I got there, the other cosplayers were long since gone, and my poor friends had been waiting for me for like three hours…. Σ(^∀^;)
But I am so pleased with how the whole cosplay came out! And I managed to win the cosplay contest, which was really cool since I’ve never won anything in my life. So that was fun.
I hope you all had a great Halloween as well!


Saturday’s cosplay was Suzuya Juuzou from Tokyo Ghoul, but our dawdling resulted in a photo shoot after sundown, with very little light. Though, I’m very happy with how the photos came out, despite the high ISO!


I don’t really use my dA much anymore, but I’ll be uploading more of these, so please check them out~☆

To top it off, it’s November, which means National Novel Writing Month.
I really wasn’t going to do it this year – especially since I have an exam on December first, in a foreign language, so I really should be focusing on that. But all of a sudden I had extra time on my hands…. And here we are. I started a day late, and I’m behind my usual schedule. I tend to finish NaNo really fast, but this year I’m so stressed, I have a hard time sitting down to focus. Which is why I am writing this blog post, rather than actually writing….

I’ve been on the move all day, and when I finally made it home, I fell asleep…. So I have yet to write a single word today. Which is why I’ve cracked open a can of Rockstar, and plan to sit up until I’ve jotted down an adequate amount of filler words…..

So basically that’s what’s been going on. . And then I need to get working on my webstore, I am so sorry that it’s not up and running yet.
I still want to do the whole mail order thing with Love Addict, but I’m finding it difficult to get a response from my darling readers that’s you.
So please be patient with me. I’ll make a separate post for that in a short while
Didn’t I say that last time too?
Feel free to nag me for these things you know!

Anyone else doing NaNo by the way?
And by all means – I need pointers on what to write for this years Advent Calendar as well! Amuse me; the comment section is here for a reason!

Appreciate the old, embrace the new

I intended to post this on New Year’s Eve, as is customary for your typical end-of-year post. However, I am a lazy ass, and on New Year’s I was too busy eating everything in sight and watching horrormovies. The new year so far has already had its fair share of ups and downs, in the sense that January is never good for me, as something always breaks. In this case, my kitchen sink. Aside from that, it’s been good. Mostly spent rewatching Shingeki with awesome people, and sobbing about feels.

Anywyay, last year, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and get one of these:

Conveniently, I got this pretty jar for Christmas, and it was just perfect for this exact purpose: Writing little notes throughout the year about the lovely things that have happened, and putting them in the jar. At the end of the year/start of the new one, you take them all out, and read them through.
I’ve spent some time today reading through the notes, laughing and smiling to myself as the memories return. Truthfully, I’ve slacked alot, so at times I hardly remembered to put notes in the jar at all, for instance, wouldn’t it be normal to put a note in for having been accepted by Emanga? Well, I seem to have forgotten.
Still, there were tons of good memories concealed in these notes. When I read them all, it ended up looking like this:

Some of these made no sense, others were very simple and straight-forward. Some were not safe for work.
I think doing this should definitely become a tradition. I am the kind of person who hates forgetting things, and would prefer to document my entire life, so it’s right up my alley. But looking at the good things at the end of the year/start of the new one helps you see all the good things, and the rough times are pushed away. Trust me. In many ways, 2013 was one of the hardest years for me, but in the same time, it was one of the coolest, most awesome years of my life.
It doesn’t have to be all big things either! For instance, many of these notes are about bigger things, like concerts, publishing and our trip to Tokyo, but most of them are about all the small, funny things in life, such as yummy foods, good films, fangirling and every day situations.
Let me share some of the good moments with you (in no particular order):

Untitled-2I don’t know how well you can read those, but as you can see there’s all kinds of things, from anime series, to good weather, to completely mundane things. It’s the little things that weigh the heaviest. I think that everyone should join in and get your own jar of memories for 2014. It really is a good way to remember the good things in life, and even if it feels like there are none, that certainly isn’t the case. I know I will be taking these out once in a while when the world feels awful, and look at what I have to smile about instead.
The notes have been stored in an envelope, and the jar is currently ready to be filled with the best things of 2014.

Have a good year everyone.

Thank you 2012!

2012 is almost over, and we’re still here. Imagine that.
For me, there were hardships during this year that made me feel like if the world did end, it would be all the same, as I was sure this year would be the end of me anyway. This was all based on stress and pressure. I’m still dealing with some of it, and with more exams coming up in 2013, I’m already staking out a similar path for myself before the year has even begun. *sigh*

Looking back on this year, I felt like it was nothing special compared to 2010 and 2011 – in the sense that I haven’t travelled anywhere, I haven’t been to any concerts this year. But then, as I’m going through my memorybank, and my photos… 2012 was a damned good year.

To mention a few things:
One of my most precious friends returned home to play with us for something like a month, and everything was beautiful♥
I decided to join the Torucon-crew, and ended up a Jarl!
It can’t go unmentioned that D3 finally saw the light of day, and although I loved it passionately, the aforementioned stress only allowed me to play for a mere two months before I was forced away from the glorious hours of gaming….
I saw Hair in theatre, and it was absolutely incredible!
Somehow, summer was very productive: We redecorated parts of the apartment, threw out old things and bought more bookshelves, although the initial plan of getting a new sofa is still on hold. *sigh* And then of course I edited until my head spun – all through summer break and into December.
I reunited with a dear friend I hadn’t seen in years, and we had some glorious, nerdy moments.
All this productiveness accumulated in the long-awaited release of Jaded….
And a new project for NaNoWriMo. I have yet to finish the script, but I got surprisingly far with it right off the bat!
Then of course, Torucon was a major highlight of the year. Far better than we had dared to imagine, and easily one of the best days of my life.
For Halloween, I finally got to cosplay my favorite movie character of all times, a yearlong cosplay dream.
In between all of this there have been ups and downs. There were repetitions of the same annual movie/concert-marathons we do ever year. Traditions that me and my friends do at specific times every year, that never cease to be spectacular, no matter what.

In the end. 2012 has been a lovely year.
With that said, I have some resolutions that I’d like to try and keep for 2013:

* Read one book a week (I’m aiming to hit 38 before midnight tomorrow for this year, assuming I haven’t forgotten to list any more of my 2012-reads)
* Cosplay more! (2012 didn’t turn out to be my banner year after all.)
* Finish my current writing-project and hopefully publish it
* Spend more time with friends

It’s been a year of great difference; from hardships to bliss. It’s been challenging and it’s been tedious. It’s been everything a year should be, I suppose, even if it feels like we could do without the bad times. But looking back, there are things that I struggled with that have brought me somewhere new, and for that, I appreciate those hardships. Then there are others, that I still need to accustom to. Hopfully, 2013 will provide me with the tools. Hopefully, all I’ve decided to do in the coming year (and more) will be achieveable goals!

This year I’m too short on time (gonna write somet things and read another book before tomorrow) to post a whole bunch of photos from the year, so I’ll just bring two of the greatest sights of the year:

Torucon. Photo courtesy of ISAK.

And the sight that met me when I arrived at Outland on December 1st~

I hope you will all have a lovely New Year’s weekend, and a Happy New Year! ♥

Kindness of a stranger

Happy December 19th everyone!
Today is the first day in ages I’ve felt relaxed, despite how busy I’ve been ever since oversleeping this morning.  I went out at nine thirty, and just got back home.
Yesterday was the day of my exam, which went so much better than I could ever imagine. I was so happy and so relieved when I got my grade, and all over just so happy not to have that hanging over me anymore. So naturally, when I got home….I fell asleep for three hours. Despite that, I still overslept this morning.

My feet and hands are aching from running around, carrying tons of bags. Let me tell you; I was only missing two gifts, plus an addition to the one for my dad, and yet, I’ve ended up with a million bags, and a sucessfully slimmed down bank account. Σ(^∀^;) I’m not complaining though. I love buying gifts for people I love, but it’s not the same on my own. Usually I go Christmas shopping with one of my dearest friends, but as he’s not home until tomorrow, I had to finish up on my own. It was a bit lonely, but more than anything, the malls were just stifling hot, and I ended up taking refuge outside in the snow while waiting to be picked up.

As I was waiting for my dear mom (who kindly drove me home as I was carrying tons of bags and stuff that were breakable), I noticed a young man opposite me in the entrance area of the mall – or rather, I paid attention to him. I’d previously passed him about three times on my walks to and fro, and like I often do I ignored his attempts to sell his magazine. “Sorgenfri” (“Sorrowfree”) is a magazine that’s part of the The International Network of Streetpapers (INSP). Its purpose is to give the homeless, addicts and others who are less fortunate a possibility of a better, more dignified everyday life through income, work and community.
I’m one of the people who usually (albeit with a black conscience) walk past the sellers of this magazine – because generally, I don’t have cash. And even though I could easily get some, I’m not usually in the position where I can just give my money away. I’m not living luxuriously for the most part myself, but I still feel bad. Maybe because in the end I could spare a little cash. Because I could skip buying that bag of chips for the evening, or splurge on some random thing I passed in a store. It costs so little, but it means so much to the people working for this cause.
In the end the worst thing is how your guilty conscience turns to blatant ignorance – not sparing a glance in the direction of the poor seller, to calm your own guilt, but does it help? No, because there’s no dignity in the way that person was just treated.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that we should feel obliged to give out money left and right, but at least we should try not to forget that these sellers, these street-vendors are people too. They deserve to be treated as such.

So I was standing with my bags, waiting for my mom to call, and I started thinking. I only have about 700 left on my account, but I’m done with the shopping for presents and other stuff for the holidays. I’d decided to happily spend the last of my money on music and movies. But thenI looked at the way people were just passing by this soft-spoken young man, and something really stung inside of me. Not only guilt, but a realization that I actually had the money to spend on someone else. So I walked over an asked him how much the magazine was, and if it was okay if I just went to take out some cash at the nearby kiosk. His face lit up, even more so when I came back.
He told me that so many people just ignored him, walked on or muttered without looking in his direction that they “had no cash”. People who shop gifts for thousands these days, and they can’t afford supporting someone who’s struggling?
I felt so good to be able to bring a smile to a stranger’s face, and not do what I usually do – which is to look away and feel guilty.  His appreciation made me feel genuinely happy, and as we wished each other Merry Christmas, I kinda wished I’d hugged him while I was at it, because he was just really sweet.

I’m rambing. What I was aiming to say is that not only because it’s the holiday season, but of course partially because it is, because it’s at these big holiday seasons that the misfortune and loneliness shows the clearest, but whatever the motif is, it doesn’t hurt anyone to show a little extra kindness and humanity. It doesn’t hurt anyone to not express annoyance at the slow old man in front of you at the register, or towards the woman blocking the entire entrance because she’s waiting for someone.
When I stood waiting for my mom, and the snow really started coming down (before it got windy and excessive and generally horrible), with my favorite Christmas song playing in the background, I felt more of the Christmas spirit than I have thus far. Because doing something for someone else, something that matters, is quite possibly one of the best things in the world.

This is a roundabout way of saying things.  And I don’t want to push anything onto someone else, but I urge you to think about what you can do for someone less fortunate this season, or what you can do for anyone. A random act of kindness is one of the greatest gifts to give, I think. It doesn’t have to be a lot either. It doesn’t even have to cost anything, just take the opportunity to do a good deed if it offers itself.

One good deed I’d recommend everyone doing is to donate to your local animal shelter or animal protective services.  Even the smallest donation helps.
These shelters and organizations are founded and run by volunteers, and for the most part, receive no funding from the government.  In these times, around holidays animals are typically bought as gifts, only to be discarded or “outgrown” within short time. Usually when they stop being new and entertaining, perhaps the person didn’t really want an animal. Maybe the child who received the guinea pig didn’t think it would be so squeemish.
Many of these “presents” end up at shelters within months of the new year, or maybe even right after Christmas, because someone was dumb enough to get a pet as a “surprise” for someone else.

As with every year when I make a post like this, the bottom line is: Do not give animals as presents! And of course: Give a donation to your local animal shelter/animal rights organization for Christmas this year. It’s worth it. ♥

For Norwegians, you can donate here:

Foreningen for omplassering av Dyr
Katteherberget Høgheim

I hope I’m not coming off as too pushy -but I really think everyone should try doing a good deed this holiday season.
Have a good evening everyone ♥

Fly away now~

The past two days have been spent indulging myself. Putting away all scholastic material and stress factors, Friday was productive in its own way with dinner, two movies and a concert DVD with beautiful people. And then yesterday I geeked out with three of my closest friends. It’s been ages since this particular group gathered, so as expected it was full of crazy and food.
Seriously, I’m dead. Today’s one of the guys’ birthday, so naturally we had even more snacks, adn I defied the odds and made instant muffins! Ohoho~

As is customary when we have nights like this, one of them stayed until six am, at which point we’d rambled and geeked about anything and everything, to the point where we touched upon ghost stories, and my overly tired self started getting paranoid.

Although we just watched PSWG, it ended up taking a long time getting through the 13 eps, namely due to random breaks to scream and shout about other things. My throat is so sore today, it’s crazy.
Also, I have caffeine abstinences, I hurt everywhere, and I think I might’ve chipped a tooth.
Guuuh. How will I ever get up for school tomorrow?Aaah, my hours are completely messed up again.

Aside from that, yesterday was productively spent typing away on various excerpts. As my dear friend really loves Keiichi, I’ve been dusting him off. He feels strange to me, as I haven’t written him since 2008 or something. And I somehwat feel bad for throwing him under the bus the way I’ve done. So it’s actually kinda nice to explore his character again, even if nobody ever gets to see these drabbles.

Meanwhile I got awesome news from my editor yesterday! I think you guys can really start looking forward to things now! It’s all coming together more or less the way I wanted, and after next weekend, I’ll probably be getting ready to talk about release dates.
I am SO excited! Of course, nobody ever reads these entries, so talking about it here is pointless. On the other hand, maybe that’s why; I can get it out, without spreading news I should keep quiet about? Ahaha~
…I think my brain is still ruined from last night.

Well. I regret nothing. And now I need to clean up our mess.
Have a good Sunday everyone!

Hello cruel world

Just like that, summer has passed. And what a sad excuse for summer it has been. The last desperate attempts came last week, with two days of somewhat sunny weather and quasi-heat if you look away from the freezing wind. School has started, and as expected, I’m finding myself in even more of a quandry than before. Children, stay in school! Don’t think you’ll pick up on private exams, because chances are noone will tell you which subjects you need. *sigh*

As much as I love history, I can’t say I approve much of the smooth transition into the school year, with our first test taking place next week – a week which is chock-full of meetings in preparation for Torucon on the 15th, and also a very important tradition for my group of friends. Now I have to somehow cram cramming into the mix. Oh joy.
When I say “wake me up when September ends” I mean every syllable. Honestly, what is this?

That said, at least a massive workload is off my shoulders now with a certain script off my hands for a few weeks! I can’t reveal much yet. I learned alot from SNOW, and I just don’t want to disappoint anyone yet. I DO have a release date in mind, but it all depends on how long the final edit takes, as well as some other details.
What I CAN tell you is this; I’d keep my wallet ready. ♥
More info will be coming shortly, as well as a round of introductions! I’m dying to introduce you to these boys.

Hang tight my dears! We’re almost there. When the autumn darkness shrouds itself around you and curriculum comes crashing down on your shoulders, at least let it be a slim comfort that this is also the season for curling up in the sofa with a blanket and a good book.

…Unless you’re in the planning committee for Torucon. *sigh*

Already moved into my woolen sweaters. Feels like home.