Another year has passed, and much like I feared, I didn’t blog at all in 2014. I hope that wasn’t a resolution for the past year? Let’s say it wasn’t.
When I think of 2014 in retrospect, I tend to think that it was a very uneventful year, at least compared to 2013! My friends and I have many annual traditions, so it often seems like the most memorable things from the year that went, are usually the same every year. And yet very different.
It kind of feels like 2014 was half good old traditions, and half intense studying for so many exams, I can’t even remember anymore.
But when I look a little closer, it was much more than that. The latter part of 2014 in particular, came with some huge changes in my life.
Love Addict was released of course, long overdue, and with my heart trembling at the thought of sharing this (for now) last piece of the Jaded SNOW project with everyone. And, being what it was, I was extremely nervous about how people would take to this story in comparison to the first two.
As much as I’d love to, I can’t live on my writing alone, so I work on the side. In September, I suddenly had no time for writing (not that there had been much of that anyway, with all the exam preparations all year through), because I had to work full-time. And then in October it came to a very abrupt halt when my workplace was closed down.
November came with NaNoWriMo, and job hunting. By December, I had a new job, which doesn’t suit me at all, but is challenging and fun all the same.
The biggest change though, is something I can’t really say that I feel on my body, to use that term of expression; it’s not something that is visible, and I can’t say it’s changed me as a person. But, it’s changed my course in life.
On December 1st, I got my diploma. In Norwegian, that would be Vitnemål, which is loosely the same as a High School Diploma, but different.
This is something I haven’t talked about. It’s not that I’ve been ashamed – I’ve written before about bullying and personal illness which forced me to drop out of school at 17. At times, I’ve felt left behind, and the inferiority complex at watching my peers and even their younger siblings rise through upper secondary and university, while I remained in the same spot, has been gnawing at my mind, but at the same time I’ve known that there’s been a reason for why my life turned out the way it did. I’ve not been ashamed, but it’s been too personal to want to talk much about it .
And this journey towards actually completing school, has been a long, winding path, complete with fighting the bureaucracy and my own demons. It’s taken a very long time compared to what it should have, and all along I’ve been terrified to tell anyone what I was doing, because if I failed, I felt like things would get so much worse.
In a society where everyone wants you to be perfect, and where everyone expects you to follow a certain path, it’s not accepted to fall behind the way I did, and I’ve had a lot of condescending comments from ignorant people along the way.
But you know, I did it. In my own way, by my own terms and in my own time.
Although people tell me that “someone as clever as you should’ve done that long ago” or “You’re so clever! You should go onto studying at university!”, it irks me that they’ve chosen not to look past the image of me being clever – yes, I am, but there are underlying factors, and reasons to why this has taken so long. And you know what? Although I wish I could’ve been finished earlier, I don’t regret a single thing, even though falling behind wasn’t a conscious choice I made. In the meantime, I have done so many things that I know I wouldn’t have done otherwise. I’ve published three novels, I’ve learned a language, I’ve developed in all kinds of ways.
Regret changes nothing. And the reason I wanted to write this long-ass ramble, was that I know many of you are struggling with various things, and feeling like you’re not good enough, or not doing things right – and that is not true.
Three years ago, I never thought I’d get a diploma. Five years ago, I didn’t want one. I’d given up, and settled on my future as a “failure”.
This is me telling you that sometimes you have to take the long way around, and nobody can tell you that that’s wrong!
I don’t feel any different really. But knowing that I completed that step in my life – that feels good. And I’m very proud of myself. So that’s probably the most important thing that’s happened in 2014!
I also experienced loss this year. My wonderful bunny passed away. I’d had him for almost nine years, more or less since the day he was born, so that was a huge blow, and incredibly difficult, not only for me, but for everyone who knew and loved him. Being a rabbit who loved everyone, there were a lot of people who were saddened by it.
Although I wasn’t planning on it, I ended up adopting a new bunny a while later, and teeny little Seira became a member of ours household.
Much like last year, I also kept a Jar of Lovely Things again in 2014, and though I slacked off and probably forgot to add a bunch of things over the course of the year, I stacked up on some wonderful memories!
The lovely things in the jar range from bacon to fangirling to huge turning points in life.
Some (very random) extracts from 2014 include, in no particular order:
Turns out 2014 was pretty eventful after all, and full of new experiences. Most of them were good ones. I already have great plans for 2015, so bring it on!
Thanks for sticking with me for this past year. I hope for your support again in 2015~
Happy New Year everyone! ♡