A wordy November

December and the season of Advent is upon us. Soon, 2017 is behind, us and I realize that yet again I failed to keep this blog alive.
With a scrutinizing glare I realize that the last entry I made was back in February. Sigh.

However, just because I haven’t been writing anything here, it doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing.
Or. That was actually the case up until November 1st. After a two year absence due to exam stress and a deep depression, I was back where I belong; at my computer with a cupboard laden with energy drinks and pringles to get me through the fray.

When I last did NaNoWriMo, back in 2014, I “finished” on Day 6. What I mean by that is that I hit the required 50 000 words, and then went into my usual habit of stringing out a couple of words more, and then abandoning my script.

Nano stats PRE reord Screenshot-2017-11-11 National Novel Writing Month

Until this year, the longest I’d kept up with a NaNo-script was Love Addict in 2012, which somehow turned into a proper novel two years later.

This year, I decided to try something new: If you have ever seen me play Diablo III, you will know that I am an achievement whore, I NEED those achievements.
This year, I found that while I had been away the NaNo site had implemented a badge system, and I was dead set on catching ’em all. Which meant I had to update my word count daily for 30 days.
Considering my plot this year is fairly simple, I decided that I’d either get the 30 day badge OR I’d finish the script. Preferably both, but considering how simple my plot is compared to earlier novel drafts, I figured there was a chance I’d be done before the 30 day mark (As it turns out, I still write in an extremely roundabout way, so that didn’t happen).

This year’s novel is about a young man named Miyuki. At 29, he feels like he has achieved nothing; he has no education, no steady income and he is deeply depressed. On top of everything, he is trying to nurse himself back from heartbreak, and this leads him on a train journey through Europe. His goal is to pick up the pieces of his life and come to terms with a painful memory.

As it turns out, my journey with Miyuki took a lot longer and was alot wordier than I had expected. I’m used to a dialogue-based form of writing, so having a character who is by himself 90% of the time was a challenge. There is a lot of filler material that I’ll have to edit out at some point.

Anyway. The story about Miyuki came to me about a year or so ago, and I had written down some notes for it (very few as it turned out). I had very little to run on, but with no other pressing ideas, I decided to make it my project for this year’s NaNo.
I was nervous at first, uncertain of how to go about tackling this script. I hadn’t written anything in the form of fiction in two years, and I felt like I’d lost my way with words.

But then, on November 1st, I sat down and started typing.
It was an amazing feeling. I felt like I was home where I belonged. The words were flowing out, as if I had never been away from my writing at all.

As usual, I sort of lost my drive once I hit the 50k on day 5 (which had been my goal. I’m always striving to beat my own record). I went from writing 10k-ish words a day, to writing the bare minimum for a couple of weeks. Then yesterday, for the final push I suddenly got the wild idea that I wanted to finish the script.
I nearly made it. Miyuki still has one more train journey to make, and the hardest leg on teh whole of his trip. I have about two chapters and an epilogue to go.

The script currently sits at a total of 138.231 words, and it is going to be a nightmare to edit.
Nevertheless, I smashed all my NaNo records. I wrote for 30 consecutive days.
And. I did it all without my N-key, which abandoned ship about two months ago.

Screenshot-2017-12-1 National Novel Writing Month

Leave it to me to hit this kind of word count and still be dismayed that I slacked off and killed my epic curve.

And though I broke my NaNo-streak, having been absent for two years, it feels good to be back in the saddle. I’m ready to reclaim my throne. But first, I’m gonna celebrate Christmas!

(It needs to be said that the moment I updated my word count for the final time of 2017 – I fled onto the internet and left Miyuki in limbo somewhere in Belgium. I promise I won’t leave him there for good)

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Hectic lifestyle

Augh, is there ever anything such as enough time in this world?

My absence lately can largely be credited to some massive changes in my life, as well as the preparation and execution of Torucon’s Halloween event ‘Toruween’ which I was one of the leaders behind. Despite some chaotic days of rigging beforehand, we managed to finish the event safely and successfully on Friday night!
I had such a good time playing host up on stage, together with Aurora for once, and having been half of the leading team, and an in-promptu member of the deco crew, I have learned a lot of new things, and gained some more insight into what other parts of our crew do as well, which is definitely a good experience to have. Hopefully, it can help me become a better crew member overall!

It was also fun to be allowed to cosplay as part of the crew for once. I had been wanting to do this cosplay ever since the Hallween Party PV came out, so I was very excited about it~

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Among the decorations, we had a fandom graveyard to set off the feels of all our attendees right off the bat. 
I decided to break my own heart a little, so I ordered the decoration crew to make Maaya’s grave stone as well.
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…and brought it home with me

Because I was busy helping with shopping for materials, building a haunted house and decorations, the event itself and then taking it all down again on Monday, I’ve barely had any time to be online.

In addition, I was working on my quinque for my Halloween cosplay at Outland for Saturday, every free moment I got outside of Toruween preparation, to the point where we got there two hours before closing time, just because the damned thing wasn’t done in time. So much stress! By the time I got there, the other cosplayers were long since gone, and my poor friends had been waiting for me for like three hours…. Σ(^∀^;)
But I am so pleased with how the whole cosplay came out! And I managed to win the cosplay contest, which was really cool since I’ve never won anything in my life. So that was fun.
I hope you all had a great Halloween as well!

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Saturday’s cosplay was Suzuya Juuzou from Tokyo Ghoul, but our dawdling resulted in a photo shoot after sundown, with very little light. Though, I’m very happy with how the photos came out, despite the high ISO!

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I don’t really use my dA much anymore, but I’ll be uploading more of these, so please check them out~☆

To top it off, it’s November, which means National Novel Writing Month.
I really wasn’t going to do it this year – especially since I have an exam on December first, in a foreign language, so I really should be focusing on that. But all of a sudden I had extra time on my hands…. And here we are. I started a day late, and I’m behind my usual schedule. I tend to finish NaNo really fast, but this year I’m so stressed, I have a hard time sitting down to focus. Which is why I am writing this blog post, rather than actually writing….

I’ve been on the move all day, and when I finally made it home, I fell asleep…. So I have yet to write a single word today. Which is why I’ve cracked open a can of Rockstar, and plan to sit up until I’ve jotted down an adequate amount of filler words…..

So basically that’s what’s been going on. . And then I need to get working on my webstore, I am so sorry that it’s not up and running yet.
I still want to do the whole mail order thing with Love Addict, but I’m finding it difficult to get a response from my darling readers that’s you.
So please be patient with me. I’ll make a separate post for that in a short while
Didn’t I say that last time too?
Feel free to nag me for these things you know!

Anyone else doing NaNo by the way?
And by all means – I need pointers on what to write for this years Advent Calendar as well! Amuse me; the comment section is here for a reason!

Freedom in a flurry of (bad) words

This year, I was convinced November would be a dreary one – sunk into the despairing pits of exam preparations as I was.
If you know me for the habitual creature I am, you’ll know that I write in November. Most likely, I write more in November than I do the rest of the year, simply because November is the kick in the ass I need to actually clear my schedule and stop down-prioritizing my writing.
With November, comes NaNoWriMo – and before that, comes the budding excitement, the tingling in my fingertips and distress at the back of my head as the skeleton of a plot begins to assemble. Since signing up to write the first 50k of SNOW in 2007, the dread I felt then has gradually made way for familiarity, and reverence. NaNoWrimo is one of my favorite seasons, though the change has been unnoticeable.
Why?
Because every year in October, the excitement and impatience I felt during September has waned into a dread of: “Oh God why, I don’t have the time. I don’t have a plot. HOW DO I?!”
And yet, I’ve always pulled through. This is my sixth NaNo, and it’s different.

The pressure was high with this one – still is.
First and foremost, I am one of these crazy people who writes the 50k in about 1/3 of the time. My first year, the 50 oo0 words were done on Day 19. Somehow, the standard for me as lowered itself to day 9-10. I think Day 9 is the lowest I’ve gone, and this year’s goal was a maddening 8 days of writing to have the challenge conquered by Day 8. Due to procrastination, distraction and this thing called “life”, this obviously didn’t happen. However, we’re at Day 9. I’ve got 42k, and I’m decided on finishing today.
– of course, I’m slightly put off by the fact that I’ve slept for 9(!) hours tonight, and wasted most of my day, postponing everything. I’m also going off to attend the yearly demonstration against the fur industry around five, because I can’t afford to miss it. However, I will finish.
And then one can only hope I don’t do that stupid thing I always do where I hit the goal and just stop, even though I have a whole plot to finish.
SNOW and Jaded were both NaNovels, and they were written “mostly during November” and then “all over the place”.
With SNOW, it was started during NaNo 2007, and then finished in December/January 2009. Jaded turned me into a rebel: it was written over the course of NaNo 2009 and 2010, and then finished up after being more or less deserted, in 2012.

This novel, is probably never going to see the light of day. Sorry to disappoint anyone who’s been hoping while reading my status updates.
I’ve realized that my suspicions about “The Silent” were correct: this isn’t a novel. It’s a short story. Or…perhaps a novella. I don’t know yet. I love these characters, the setting and the plot itself, but after 42 000 words of emptiness, I realize that I’m just trying to fill the void until we get to the actual plot.
I’m sure that you will get to know these characters, and read this story at one point, but not in it’s current state. It’s going to need alot of work before I dare to show it off. But first, I want to finish this atrociousness. I want to map out all possibilities, so that I can freely pick and choose when I decide to work on it properly.
Please wait for that day.

The other thing I’ve been hinting at (oh btw, you guys suck at taking hints. Or, I’m just bad at giving them) has nothing to do with this story; that’s a completely different matter.

Anyway.
This year, I wasn’t going to do this. I thought that it wouldn’t be possible, as I am pining over far too many text books and curriculum at the moment for it to be advisable. However, it turned out to go against my sanity to not participate this year. I decided I wanted to do it – to get these (badly written) words out, and then go back to studying without the stress of not having written for ages hanging over me.
I presumed it would be more insane to try to do this when I’m far more busy this November than I have been for years – I’ve got all kinds of stuff going on, studying for no less than 11 exams, plowing through text books, editing an old project, corresponding with my editor, I need to write essays, and I work. I didn’t think it would be possible to squeeze in NaNo this year, certainly not with the aforementioned pressure of finishing earlier than ever before…
And yet..
This year’s NaNo is definitely weird. It’s different.
I thought it would be way worse, considering all the factors above.
But the moment the clock on my display hit 00:00 on the evening of October 31st, I put away my social anthropology notes, and started writing. It came with a surge of absolute freedom.
These past 8 days have been very strange – the words are just streaming out, even though I’ve been a bit lazy in the last two days, but the story is shaping up. Last night a plot twist revealed the key to how the pieces would fit together. But it’s weird.
Usually, when I write during November, there’s a very strict routine. Perhaps because I’ve always written characters that have had the chance to develop and become near and dear to me, they’ve always had playlists.
Every year I’ve withhold what I was told by WriMoRadio in 2007; that the best food to keep up your energy level while chasing the word count are tubed potato chips, donuts and buckets of caffeine, and so, I’ve always stocked up the house, and probably wasted time eating when I should’ve been writing.
I’ve pulled over-caffeinated all-nighters, and fallen asleep at the keyboard despite the loud music blaring into the apartment.
And all of this has been NaNo in my mind. This is what I want.
I realized, I could have finished much earlier, had I just stayed focused and written on – but why would I? I know that once I hit the 50k, I no longer have the satisfaction of seeing that green progress bar move. When that little glass vial is filled with green serum (this is how I see the progress bar, leave me alone), I no longer feel that competitive need to carry on, and so, I lose the interest. It’s over. I’ve got nothing to chase, and so there is no point in staying focused.
Regardless, it’s not about chasing the word count – it’s about the mood. The setting and the season. I don’t want to finish on Day 5, because I’ve got traditions to keep up!

And still. This year has been very different.
I haven’t written from dusk till dawn, I haven’t had more than a couple of cans of energy drinks and three donuts so far. I haven’t finished any of my three pringles cans. There is no playlist – at least not beyond two or three songs, but most of this novel has been written in silence.
Everything is different. I thought this year would be more nervous and stressful than anything else, and instead, I found freedom in these 8 days, like I probably knew I would. Because writing is what keeps me sane.
I think I needed this break from studying, even though I feel like every day I don’t study while the exams draw closer, I am wasting time.
And yet I’m not. I haven’t been this calm in over a month.
This is what I’m supposed to be doing. This is what November is all about.
So be it then, that the story so far is awful.

Victory!

Well! I actually wrote a couple of drafts before the start of NaNo, thinking I’d be clever and still keep the blog up and running while writing, but in between writing, schoolwork, and a little thing called sleep, there wasn’t really any time. On top of that, the proof copy of Jaded arrived in the mail last Friday, so I had to proof it for errors, and hopefully I succeeded better than I did with the first round of SNOW. Altogether, the process took most of the weekend, and me, annoyed with myself for having “slacked off” (even though I was working) for two days, and ended up writing almost 9000 words on Sunday. About 5000 of those were written between Saturday night and Sunday morning. I went to bed at six am, having hit 50k at five sharp.

Of course being full of caffeine and adrenaline, I don’t think I fell asleep until closer to seven, and then I was forcibly wakened by my phone at ten. Well, in any case, I’ve hit the 50k for this November, and although my goal is actually to finish this script by December 1st, we’ll see howthat goes.
The story I’m writing now is much simpler than Jaded, and I have a very goodrelationship to put it that way, with the main character, os it’s a much easier story than Jaded, which is fairly liberating. But also weird.
My biggest problem is that that 50 000 word mark is like a carrot, and once I’ve obtained it my determination kinda burns out. That was the case with both SNOW and Jaded, which were left hanging at about 56k for a year each, before I continued. This time, I’d like to do it all in one push, so to speak.
Wish me luck!


Luckily, Sanza is always ready to “help” with the script.

I also went to the city on Saturday to demonstrate against the fur trade in Norway. Honestly, I was disappointed by tehe crowd that had assembled; an estimated 250-300 people. I’m so glad that people get involved, but in this kind of relatively big city, there should be more people speakng up against this kind of organized animal cruelty.
However, it was amazing to see all the torches and hearing the crowd scream at the top of their lungs that they wanted this cruelty to stop.
Hopefully this will be the last time we need to do this; it’s time that they put an end to this.

Aand, while I was in the city to begin with, we stopped by Outland to make some arrangements.
I’m bursting with excitement, and plans, but I guess I’ll have to keep quiet for a while longer.
What I can say is that I really wanted to get Jaded out before the end of November, but that the release date is in limbo, courtesy of the printer’s and shipping time. So until I know when the orders will be delivered, I can’t say anything. However, things are definitely happening,and I sincerely hope that the wait will be over soon. I’m also going to work on the possibilites for pre-orders, but we’ll see what will come out of that.
In any case, I hope you all keep your eyes peeled! Things are going to happen really quickly from now on.

I’ll keep writing now, fueledy by my top 3: Caffeine, Pringles and Donuts!

Have a good Tuesday everyone.

Trick or Treat~

Happy November 2nd! Happy NaNoWriMo! Happy belated birthday to Aki. And thanks to everyone who showed so much love for him yesterday >w<
Like I’ve said a million times, this week has been insane. Thankfully, the test yesterday went well against all odds, and although I encountered some unexpected suckiness, I’m doing okay again now. Started writing yesterday. It felt unfamiliar, but I know the characters well, so I find comfort in that. I’ll write more about NaNo at a later time, since this post was originally intended for Monday. I have NO time for anything, so bear with me.

I went to Outland’s Halloween event on Saturday together with my beautiful people, and hung out all day. I was a little disappointed by the lack of cosplayers this year compared to earlier years, but we still had a good time.
I just want to take a moment to say how much I appreciated talking to some of you all day! I’m sorry I left so suddenly as we! Things got a bit hectic at the end there!
If I have one regret, it is that we didn’t get to take any proper photos. I’ve wanted to do this cosplay for about 10 years, since before I started cosplaying, but then we had no proper camera. Moreover, with the 40 cm of snow that came out of nowhere, we wouldn’t have been able to get any good shots anyway.
So I guess I’ll get a proper shin about nine months…..*sigh*
For now, you may have some of the (bad) snapshots taken throughout the day. (If you’re in a photo and want it taken down, or want to use them anywhere, please contact me)

And then…there was me~

Kiriyama approves!


Photobombed!

And then finally, I’m taking the liberty of borrowing Tori’s video, which we more or less volunteered to be in!
Brace yourselves for a first, as Kiriyama Kazuo does “the laugh” by popular demand. ギャハハハ(≧▽≦)

Vlog#1 from Tori Løvø on Vimeo.

Ohohoo~ So yeah. It was really fun, and I was so excited to be Kazuo for a day! >w<
Now I’ll get my act together and do some wordsprints! I overslept today as a result of writing until two thirty last night, so I need to get on top of things!
Hopefully I won’t die over the weekend, and I’ll be able to keep a somewhat social life even though it’s November.

A love letter

Every year, I take part in the beautiful adventure that is NaNoWriMo.
I never quite know where it will take me, who I will encounter, or how they are going to behave.  As August turns into September, and the leaves turn yellow, my anticipation begins to grow. My body starts preparing, my mind starts plotting – without authorization. Ironically, it’s usually at this point I am at my most creative, but I can’t start writing yet. So I keep it safely locked up, ready to unleash it at the start of November.

I remember my first NaNo, 5 years ago. I’d heard about it before, and thought about joining in 2006, but forgot it. When I made my account in 2007, I panicked. A friend and her friend, who was visiting from Hong Kong and hadn’t met me yet, came over as I was running around the apartment screaming my head off. I believe it was something along the lines of “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING. WHY!” Some impression I must’ve made on her poor friend. Although, she did come back later, so I guess I didn’t frighten her all that much in the end. I was utterly panicked at the thought of actually doing something like this, because while I do have immense willpower, rarely back out of a challenge and work well under pressure. I am also, like so many other NaNo’ers a champion procrastinator.
Procrastination should be an Olympic sport – although the event would understandably never get around to starting. We’d all be winners though.

And that was what I was to discover with NaNoWriMo as well. We are winners. Even when we don’t win. Even if we don’t finish our novels. Even if we give up. Because we’ve challenged ourselves, or minds and sanity, to try and do something that very few ever attempt; write a novel. Moreover, to write one in 30 days.

In my case, it was a golden opportunity to write the story I had wanted to start for the past two years. I went to a writer’s meet-up, where there was only three of us (plus my driver, who had coffee at our side as we cried out our misery across the table in the coffee shop). I’d started writing earlier in the day, but my laptop was on the verge of death, so I didn’t bring it to the meeting. I didn’t write anything that day, just a few notes on character traits and personalities. But it was a good meeting, and I still keep in touch with one of the girls.  I believe the first snow fell on that 1st of November. I was certain I’d never actually finish the novel, not in thirty days. And I didn’t. I did hit 50k though, on day 19, which has been my curse since as I keep trying to beat my own records. Meaning I’ll have to get down to day 8….. Not sure what I think of that.
In any case, the novel was finished almost two years later. And published. It was a mess. But it was a mess that has been loved by all these people, and that’s…amazing.

Every November I partake in this amazing challenge that is NaNoWriMo. It’s frightening, frustrating, insane, stressful and absolutely amazing. It’s through NaNoWriMo that I have been able to write SNOW and Jaded.
And although I’m panicking, because I have so many things on my plate right at the get-go this year, I will start writing as soon as I get home on Thursday. I will throw myself at this new story with all I’ve got, and surf on the wave of creativity and caffeine, before completely collapsing in December, presumably not touching the non-finished product for a while afterwards. NaNoReMo is….not my strongest feat. But I’ll get there. And then I’ll think back on the process past; the chaos, the kick, the caffeine rush, the sugar crashes, the lack of sleep and of course the following confusion, forgetting to turn off the stove, forgetting to eat…

It truly is a beautiful experience.

As we speak, I’m exhilarated and anxious to get started. I hope my Winner’s tee will arrive before Thursday, so I can motivate myself even further.  And then I just want to thank NaNoWriMo for existing, and providing me with this experience year after year.  Thank you!
I urge every participant to show their gratitude by giving back in forms of a donation – the office of Letters and Light depend on donations to bring us this adventure every November. You even get a pretty little halo over your avatar! And a real nice and fuzzy feeling inside!

If my words aren’t convincing enough, then good luck resisting Tim Kim!

 

Good luck everyone!

Buried within words

November 7th.
7 days since the start of the annual 30 days of literary abandon. For me, it never is that long. Whether you call it overachievement, or OCD I have this terrible habit of finishing NaNoWriMo before we’re halfway. This year, my aim is to be done before day 9.
Did I hear anyone say insanity?
I absolutely agree. But when the world decides to play it’s cruel tricks on you, by scheduling absolutely every single test, exam and appointment from the 10th of November onwards… Well, what other choice do I have?
Add to that the aforementioned bout of obsessive overachieving that I’m enslaved to.
I also think it’s healthy for me to finish up quickly, as I already from day 2 was at the stage where I forgot about dinner, turn the wrong switches on the stove and more or less stop functioning as a human being. By today I’m already somewhat of a mess.

Yesterday I hit the promised 30 000 word mark, my goal for the day. Thank you NaNoWriMo officials, for that challenge, handed out to those of us who had already passed 15k.. I pulled it off with 6 minutes to spare.

So this leaves me in somewhat of a predicament; now what?
My goal for this year is to actually finish the novel itself by November 30th, not only NaNo itself. If I want to do that, I should just keep working just as hard. From Wednesday on, I need to start cramming for two tests, and I also have to do my math assignment. I’m going to lose at least two, perhaps three days this week. So maybe I should just work my ass off today and tomorrow and hit 50k by Wednesday, so I can relax?
If I do, then I can write more in a healthier pace in between school, and still finish the story by the 30th. Maybe.
But I also need to get some other things done today… Gaah. November, you’re cruel.

At least I’m still looking somewhat human?

Oh, if you follow me on dA, you will have seen these already, but I did promise to share on here as well. For the time being, these are the first batch of uploads from the Shizaya shoot taken during Outland’s Halloween cosplay last weekend:

I’m quite happy with the way they came out~ More will come later, when I have the time to sit down and upload them.
Guh, what happened to the blogformat? ^^; I’m too lazy to try to fix it. And the little wordcounter in the bottom left corner is stressing me out, so I’m returning to my NaNovel for the time being..
And if any of you other NaNo’ers see this: I’m cheering for you all~! ♥

Oh, and to anyone living in the districts that get “Heimdalsbladet”, pick it up tomorrow afternoon~

It’s over, but it continues.

Good afternoon!

I just looked in on my stats, and for some reason, I had a lot of hits yesterday. Did I miss something? I haven’t even posted for days! ^^’

Anyway, I’m here, and I’m still alive. Although barely.
It has been a gruelling (almost) two weeks, full of loud music, frustration, caffeine, sugar and pringles. But it’s over.
Yesterday, right before Midnight, NaNoWriMo 2010 ended on my behalf. The official part of it anyway.
I was really stressy about it, because I had lost a lot of time due to friends ambushing me, and schoolwork taking up  alot of time. But in the end I finished just as quickly as I did last year. 12 days in. That’s not so bad!
Worcount-wise anyway… I’m not so sure how good it might be for the plot, to be honest… But that sorrow will be saved for later.

I realized something, yesterday morning, as I was scrambling for my books to get to school on time: I had almost overslept due to NaNo-fatigue, and I somehow ended up leaving my pencil case behind… But I realized; “I’m going to be done by tonight.”
I’d been aware of it for a while, since I am always dead set on being as fast, or preferrably faster than the last time – so it wasn’t a question. I was determined to finish NaNo on the 12th.
And as I realized this, another thought manifested itself: “Then what?”

I cracked my NaNo code. It’s all about the pressure.
When November approaches, I start preparing with every fiber of my being. My fingertips are tingling, my brain is working hard to assemble ideas and try to keep them in check until they can be used. The world seems magical; everything around me is percieved in a completely different way: I try to write it inside my head as I see it: withering leaves falling to the ground, people rushing for the bus in the mornings, children playing outside… It all becomes words in my brain, ideas that might later be put down on the screen. But until November hits, I am completely unable to write a single word.
When I wrote SNOW, it took 9 months from I finished the 54000 first words and until I looked at it again.  I then pressured myself for around 3 months to finish it.

Last year, when NaNo ended, Jaded was nowhere near completion. I did toy with it a little after that, but not seriosuly. I’d write a page here and there, and then leave it open for days, without writing a word.

It’s the pressure that does it. The want to produce something. The competetive instinct: me wanting to beat the me from last year. I want to be faster, I want to produce more. It’s a battle against time. And although I know that 50 000 words will always be the same amount of words, the same amount of pages… I still try to write more in the given time than I did last year.
The second I check my word count, and it has surpassed 50 000; my body has been feeling it all along, even though I haven’t been checking my wordcount at all for the past hour, but I know that it’s coming, it’s a certain kind of feeling to it. But the second I see that number: 50 – it doesn’t matter what the other digits are, as long as it’s starts with 50 – then my shoulders slump, it’s like the weight of the world lifts off my shoulders, everything feels lighter, and I fall  back on the couch, taking deep, satisfied breaths.  I’m relieved and happy, I’m free.

And at the same time, I’m doomed. I know that now that this pressure has lifted, and nothing will motivate me to write the way I have been for the past 12 days.
I know that this year I’m determined to continue writing throughout November. I want to finish this novel. And I think I see the end. I am able to consult my notes and see that this rambling has lead me through half of them, – in the correct order even.
But only time will tell if I’ll ever get as far as to wrap it up.

I woke up with a feeling of disappointment this morning; it hit me that I had no reason to get up and write, because I was done. This is far from the truth, but 50 000 words mark a turn of events, and I’m already feeling like I should write, yet I don’t feel like it. The real struggle has started.
For me, NaNo isn’t a battle – the aftermath is the real fight. But I want to triumph ove r the fatigue and apathy this year.
I want to finish Jaded.
I want to present it to you, as something I placed my soul into. Even though I’m not feeling that way at the moment.  But I felt it yesterday. The last two hours were spent writing with a big grin on my face, and an epic feeling of love towards these characters I was typing up.

I’m far from certain of how long it might take from here on. Actually, I’m highly doubting I’ll even write anything today, I have some other things I should do so I don’t fall behind… But although NaNo has ended, the wordcounter has gone green, and the pressure is gone, I still have a will to see where this leads, and how far I can go with it.
I’m aiming to finish the first draft before the end of this year – so I should hurry up I presume.

But I’m also going to celebrate my victory over myself – and maybe celebrate my dear Yuuki a little, since I was so busy writing about him on his birthday I had no chance of thinking of much else.  I’m also celebrating the steady growth of ‘likes’ on Facebook~♥ I appreciate it so much! Keep inviting your BL-interested friends!

Before anything though, I am going to try to get to the city to walk in a torch parade in protest against the furtrade today. I think now, more than ever, it’s crucial to attend arrangements like these; this might be the time where it all turns around. This might be when we see the politicians doing what they should’ve done long ago; banning the fur trade in Norway.
So, if you live in Norway, check out if there is a parade in your town, and join if you have the chance!
For those in Trondheim, info about the parade can be found here!

Hope to see you there~
And to you NaNo’ers out there: there’s still plenty of time! If you lose a day or two, you can always catch up again!  The most important thing is that you write, not how much you write, just enjoy what you’ve got~ Best of luck still! ^__^

Do you believe in magic?

Happy 3rd of November to you! Especially to all the NANOers out there! I hope you’re hanging strong!
We’re on day 3, and people are already worried about my attitude… (^^)”

I started out rather slowly, but with the help of caffeine, sugar and loud music I managed to force the word count up to 12 000 last night! >w<
Let’s not be overly positive though.
Although the story is moving forward, I’m still having major issues with it. Right now I’m just writing at complete random, trying to hit the notes that I’ve scribbled down over the years.
I’ve been doign a big filler-part right now, and got myself stuck again. But I see lights in the horizon!!

I think I should be able to get the story back on track within a couple of days, and I can’t wait~
Haven’t written anything yet today, because I had to do some housework, and edited a little on some of the photos from Saturday.
I really want to get them online soon, so I thought I’d prioritize that for a while.

But I should probably get back on the writing.
Please send me your encouragements~ (笑) I need them.
Although, I was browsing through dA comments last night, and found that so many of you are looking forward to Jaded, and wonder what will happen and who will appear. It makes me feel so much more motivated to know that people are waiting for this story~
At the same time it terrifies me, and I have huge fears that I’ll end up letting you gus down! ^^;;

But yes…
I think I’m going to post a poll tomorrow. And now I’m going to get back to work.

Have a nice day everyone!

Ta daaa~!

Sorry that this entry is so late!
I was meaning to post last Sunday, but I didn’t have time for anything at all. And I haven’t had since.
I’m doing NANOWRIMO again this year. SNOW was written in a writing frenzy like that back in ‘07, so I figured that I’d give Jaded the same treatment!
You heard me, JADED is in production!
Okay, so it’s still going to be a long time until I feel that it’s going the right way, but for now I’m just enjoying the feel of my characters coming to life with the help of my typing.
It’s a good feeling, and all the more it’s stressful and all-consuming. I’m way ahead of schedule, but I can’t help but feel like every minute I postpone writing to do something else, like have dinner or go shopping, I’m doing something wrong ^^;;
Ah well, I’m just enjoying the feel of caffeine in my blood, sugar in my veins and writing my guts out. Some nights I hate the script, but most of the time I’m falling for those characters all over again.

Speaking of which, to those following over on Twitter: Last Sunday (The 1st) was Aki’s birthday!
I was going to talk about it beforehand, and then again on the day itself, but it slipped my mind. To those who knew and who thought of him though, thank you. He’s happy too.
Personally, I ate cake for him :3
And on the 10th, this coming Tuesday, it’s Yuuki’s birthday. Yuuki is someone very special you’ll be meeting in Jaded, and whom some of you have already met in outtakes that I’ve shared.
I’m getting tired of eating cake, this time of year is already full of birthdays in my family, but I’ll make sure to get in a small celebration for him too.

And finally, what I REALLY wanted to show you guys.
I got mail yesterday:

SDC12101

These are the proof-copies, one for the sales in Norway, one for the online sales. Aren’t they absolutely gorgeous?!
I’m amazed! x’3

Well then, have a good weekend everyone. I’m going to try to write some more. Aki is nagging me.

Later~
Caroline