Absence and reasons

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a long time, but somehow time just never seems to be on my side. Torucon is about two weeks away, so I’m working with the rest of the crew more or less around the clock to get everything in place in time for the convention.
I also just came back from Tokyo three weeks ago, which of course was amazing! We had such little time, but still made it to several really cool and nerdy locations – not least a couple of locations from SNOW as well, which was super exciting, so I’m gonna make a separate post about that one of these days (I’ve been meaning to basically since we got back home).

But now for the main reason for this post: I’ve been more or less absent for an entire year at this point.
I haven’t written anything, on this blog, on tumblr or anything else for that matter in this past year, and it’s mostly due to two factors: I’ve been busy, but more importantly, I’ve been sick.

I’ve tried to be open about my struggles, and illness, so I want to continue in that tradition, but I haven’t had the time or strength to talk about it until now.
This past year has been incredibly difficult, with a lot of stuff happening in my personal life, not only to me, but to people close to me as well. I’ve also been a full-time student this year, which really wasn’t the best of choices as my health was already deteriorating before the school year had even started.
I’m not looking to go into detail, partially because it’s private, and partially because there’s just been so much happening, and I don’t even know where to start. I guess it’ll suffice to say that I’ve been, and to a certain degree, still am sicker than I’ve been for many years.

The thing about mental illnesses is that you get used to them, especially if you’ve been ill since you were born, which is basically what my life has been like. I don’t define myself as my illness, nor do I see the illness as part of me, but it has obviously shaped me and my life to some extent. When you’ve never been completely healthy, you don’t know what it is like to feel healthy either. So in a way, you get used to it, and you live with it. But sometimes you feel better. For the past few years I’ve been a pretty functional human being. I’ve been able to do a lot of things that were impossible before, and I’ve learned a lot, I’ve grown, gained skills and confidence. However, I tend to forget that I’m not entirely well, even when I do know my limitations and try to work with myself as best I can – but sometimes you relapse. This year has just been one long relapse, and for the most part, in addition to being dreadfully busy and stressed, I’ve been depressed, my anxieties have flared up, and I also received a “new” diagnosis (meaning that I’ve apparently had it for a while, but nobody bothered to tell me). It’s not “serious”, but my condition has been really bad. Add to this a lot of personal stress, and you get the reason for my absence. It’s very difficult when you are already feeling bad, and then you get the stress of uncertainty put on your shoulders as well. I don’t know what I’ll be doing after August, and that’s a huge stress factor as well. I want to write, but I don’t have any energy for it, or the time to do it.
I’m hoping that this fall will be calmer and that I’ll find my way back to my writing then, and also to posting regularly again maybe.
But for now, I need to listen to my body and take care of myself, because I haven’t really been doing that for this past year.

To anyone reading this who are struggling; Please know that it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to break down, and it’s okay to be sick. You are not a failure, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to take care of yourself.

Also, I had my (long overdue) birthday celebration yesterday, and the fact that I have people in my life that makes me smile like this, makes me think that somehow, I’ll be alright. ♡

Smairuuu

New Beginnings and all that

It seems I only pop in here to complain about never writing, and proceeding to never write…
Well, to anyone reading this, Happy 2016 in any case! I sure hope it will be for every one of you!

A couple of days ago, I wrote on my author page: “4 days into the new year, and I’m already behind on everything”. I still am, which is why this end-of-year post is six days late, and might be kind of half-assed. Sorry about that, but I also hope that you will still read it, because there are some things I want to express, though I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to say everything frankly or not.

To start with; 2015 wasn’t all bad. In fact, it had a lot of really good things to it, not only to me personally, but for the people around me as well, which to be honest, is a really great feeling!
For me though, 2015 was also a really rough year. The latter half in particular, which is largely the reason for my absence on social media, as well as my lack of social life in general.

Last year, I wrote about 2014 having been hard, with the tons of private exams, the change of jobs, the class I had to take and also a lot of private issues that put a damper on an otherwise good year.
This time around, the stress and tumults of 2014 appears to only have been the prologue of what was to come in 2015.
I really don’t want to go into details, because the wounds are still quite fresh, and the road forward from here is unpaved, but basically, after a rough start of 2015, due to some chaotic personal events, the months February ’till late July were full of exciting, good happenings; catching up with old friends I hadn’t seen in a while, traveling to Stockholm to not only see, but also meet one of my favorite bands, cosplay events, festival events and preparations for Torucon and so on.
From late July and into August this kind of died down, and though there were assorted flecks of light, most of the time until right before Christmas was fairly dark and depressing.
I had to take time off from social media, even tumblr, where I wrote a short notice on having become ill, but not elaborating.

It’s no secret that I’ve had my bouts with mental illness for most of my life, but for the most part, it’s manageable. The past years have been relatively stable, so when it it again with such force, I was completely bowled over by how bad it used to be. I haven’t been this sick since 2008/2009, and I was hoping I’d never have to be here again. This time around, I’ve got so much on my plate, obligations and expectations, and no idea how to decide whether it’s time to stop and move in a different direction. Making the right choices is terribly hard, and so I’m stuck in this stand-still, where nothing really improves, trying to move forwards as best I can. Because of this, I’m probably going to remain offline and vague about things for a while longer.

In many ways, 2015 was a complete hell, but I also had a lot of good times. Particularly the last couple of weeks of the year, spent entirely surrounded by the best people; my family and friends who were all home for the holidays. I know I am going to crash when these days are over, but it was nice to have a break, and things to look forward to for a while.

As usual, I kept one of these:

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A jar of lovely things that happened over the course of the year, and though the latter half of 2015 was so hard,  I still had a lot of good things happen that made me smile throughout the year:

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From the simplest signs of spring, to the greatest of 2015’s moments, some of the good memories accumulated this year included the following (no fancy image this year, because I had to reinstall my laptop and I haven’t been bothered installing PS yet):

♥In spite of it all, going to the reunion
♥Good friends and warm hugs
♥Sisterly bonding
♥Flopping bunny
♥ADAMS live
♥Meeting lovely readers
♥Reliving childhood, aka sliding down a hill
♥Surviving
♥Cosplaying Pinky
♥World’s best Gran
♥The year of BL (hopefully) (Comment; despite writing this down early in 2015, I’ve barely had time to check out any of these new BL things!) ♥Taking a walk for the first time in forever
♥Love and understanding
♥Hyde Cosplay ♡
♥Friends who buy you energy drinks and snacks
♥Still having things to be happy about
♥Love letter from Outland
♥“Team Bastard” vs “Team Loser”
♥Tears of happiness
♥Fanmail about Love Addict
♥Building a snowman despite the terrible snow
♥Crying Torucrew
♥Being a trusted ally for a friend
♥Shibuya-ward legislation!
♥Laughing again
♥Verdens kleineste filmkveld
♥Gaming inside with the storm raging outside
♥People being interested in Yuuki
♥Fangirling with Boo again ♡♡
♥Giving heartfelt compliments

This year, a lot of the loveliest things were related to love, support and co-dependency, personal feats and strength and…a surprising amount of mentions of food and presents (in the form of food) from friends, haha~ I’m lucky to have these people in my life!

I always like looking back at these notes of happiness in the start of the new year; to reminisce about every little moment, and smile at thinking about them. And it’s always so strange, like; there were some memories from last January, when we had a friend staying with us, of shopping, ice skating and trips to the forest – and then from December, having talked to the same friend on facebook. She’s back in Japan, and I received a present from her yesterday. It really makes you realize “Oh wow, it’s been a whole year!”
Amazing, but kind of melancholic at the same time.

2016 is looking out to have a rough first half as well, but I think eventually I’ll be fine. I have no resolutions, but I have made a few moves towards making a decision. I have some tentative goals. I hope that come summer, I will be back on track and back to writing. Even if this year won’t be the start of something grandiose, I think it will still be an exciting and challenging year, in a good way too!
Please wait for me 2016, I’m coming after you!

But first…I need to get to the doctor and deal with this eye infection. Such a great start to the new year!

If you read all of this, thank you very much!
I don’t know when I’ll be back in earnest, but I’ll do my best to hang in there. Take care guys, I hope you’ve had a lovely holiday season

 

 

Imagination

There’s something in the air.
This past year has been long and dreary on my part. I’ve been too busy to think, to busy to breathe. And by breathe….I mean write.
Horrified, I realized the other day that I couldn’t remember the last time I actually sat down and wrote something. Up until August, I don’t think I’d written a single creative word since November 2013. That’s a very long time for someone whose head explodes unless it gets some kind of release for all the ideas and stories that are floating around inside.

I’ve written small pieces, and while you never forget how to ride a bicycle, isn’t the truth that when you haven’t been on one for a very, very long time, your balance will be a bit off? Your pedaling will be hesitant and awkward? That’s what it felt like. And even when writing the characters that I now so well, I couldn’t connect with them properly.
It takes time if you want to get back in the saddle again. So although I am swamped, I will write more from here on. Autumn is the perfect season for melancholic music and unpaved virtual roads.

It’s also the time to start gearing up for NaNo. I’m dreading it to be honest. This year I haven’t got a clue what I’ll be writing, or if I will have any time to write at all. To begin with, I’ll fall behind right off the bat, as I’m busy on the first weekend. So we’ll see how that goes. But even when I tell myself “No, I’m not doing it this year.” I end up doing it anyway. I know myself. So I need to practice, to allow myself to tamper with plots and characters and let the ideas flow.

I ran into some kids today – and spoke with them for quite a long time. I’m no good with children, but my hair always attracts them. Of course, it helps when these kids are students at my own school, and I’m already conversing with teachers who worked there when I was a kid their age. It also helps when I happen to know the families of some of these kids, and we actually have something to talk about.
This little girl, whose family I’m very fond of, asked me – because I knew her family, if I could give her a present. I told her that I have no money because I’m an adult. She wanted something still, so I asked if she wanted a story – to which she replied “NO.”
Then I told her that I write novels. Suddenly, they all wanted a story. As expected, one about princesses, and princes, a scary dragon and a terrifying vampire. And by all means, I don’t know the faintest thing about children’s stories. I don’t think the kind of stuff I do is suited for anyone who haven’t yet fallen into the pits of temptation that adolescence offers. And I said that I couldn’t make it up right then and there, but I could feel the wheels turning. Perhaps I’m way out of my field here, but maybe I’ll do it. I did kind of promise them. And challenging oneself out of the comfort zone is never a bad thing, right?
It’s just a lovely feeling to have the creativity flowing again, to be able to utilize it, and let it free.

Speaking of coming out of the comfort zone; the release for Love Addict is steadily approaching, and I’m sort of terrified.
I’ve more or less picked the winners of the give-away.
The release date has been decided.
And right as I’m typing up this entry, I am making arrangements with Outland, laying out the details.

It’s such an odd feeling, when you’re about to share something with the world that you haven’t shared with anyone before. Even though there are more people involved in the process, I always want to try to keep the project to myself for as long as I can – to protect it. To treasure it.
But we’re at the end of the road here. I want to share Love Addict with you all. I want Miya’s determination, his trials and his challenges to reach all of you, to make you smile (and maybe cry).
It’s time. And still I anxiously hesitate before opening my e-mails, before opening an IM window with work-related messages, or before sending out a message to a fan.

It’s such an odd and exciting time.

Thoughts on a birthday

This is gonna get sappy. Maybe.

Today’s Maaya’s birthday. Because he is a fictional character, he doesn’t age. In his case, he can’t age, obviously.
So, in canon, he will never be older than 18. However, Maaya as a character of my creation, is nine years old today. That is, March 15th is the date I picked as his birthday about two years after I had initially created him, and I don’t know the exact date or even month of his creation to be honest. So we are going to be referring to this day as his birthday regardless.

Nine years ago, Maaya was created in my mind, as a supplement to the development of Aki’s persona. As Aki’s past was beginning to unfold for me, I realized that there was a reason for his behavior. The wheels started turning, his background took shape. Maaya was part of this background. Though, at his point, he didn’t have a name. I knew what he looked like. I pictured him exactly the way he looks when they’re dancing in the fountain; with his asymmetrical hair dancing around his smiling face. I knew that they loved each other, and I knew how it would end. That was all.

When I started writing SNOW, I got to know Maaya in a completely different way. I found that he came to me very easily.
Maaya is a character that is very close to my heart in many ways. We have many shared traits, but between us, he is definitely the better person. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but occasionally people will ask me if I based him on myself.
The answer is no. Yes, but no.
I think most authors use pieces of themselves in their characters. Maaya and I do share many traits, such as our love for animals, taste in music, and our passion for social justice. However, I did in no way base this on myself. I think it’s more a case of life imitating art.
Maaya is incredibly important to me because he in many ways have changed me as a person. The me that started writing him in 2007, was a very different person.

His given name is spelled as “justice”. This was purposely chosen by me when I sat down to properly create him, but even in canon, his parents gave him a name they hoped he would live up to, which he did. Maaya is honest, outspoken, just and fair. He’s politically active, something I hadn’t really been up till that point.
In order to write him the way I wanted, I had to explore his world, and learn about things I’d previously had very little interest in, such as art for instance. He broadened my horizons in many ways. Most of all, he changed me.
In many ways, I’ve always been afraid of responsibility. I’m a fairly confident person, but somehow I’m not the best at human relations, I’m anxious and I have a bit of a Peter Pan syndrome. Meanwhile, Maaya is mature and responsible. And yet, he makes mistakes, and he allows himself to learn from them. He isn’t afraid of changing his mind, but he has a tendency of putting others first. Most of all, he is genuinely nice, and wants to protect and support those around himself.

One of the reasons Aki and Maaya develop their strong bond, is because Aki finds his place of belonging, something safe and stable, in Maaya. Though he rarely opens up to people, he almost instantly feels like he can trust Maaya, and ends up giving himself over – not entirely mind you, he’s still a bit stand-offish, but he knows that Maaya is there, and that’s the kind of reassurance he needs.
Meanwhile, I have never been good at these things. I’ve never really known how to respond when someone I know are having a rough time. Even as a child, I looked the other way if someone fell and scraped their knee, because I was so bad at dealing with other people’s feelings.
Maaya however, was definitely the kid who’d be the first to run over and ask “Are you okay?”, he’d be there to comfort, or to get a teacher if necessary.
And by doing so, he has inspired me.
It might sound crazy, since I wrote him. I’m his creator. Still, through writing, I have grown and developed, not only as an author, but as a person. I’ve learned from experiences that aren’t mine, and learned how to utilize them.
Maaya becomes the perfect example here, because most of my characters are so broken, they’re too cautious and even selfish. Maaya is truthful and selfless.

Over the course of these nine years, he’s become a part of me. And this development has lead me to take more responsibility, more action. I’m still very awkward socially, that is so, but improving somewhat. It’s probably also helped that I’ve gotten older, that I can look back on my own experiences as well, but I often look to him in situations where I’m uncertain of what to do.
(Honestly, if you’re not a creative soul, you’re going to think this sounds crazy, I’m sure.)
Maaya is always ready to lend his support and offer advice to those who need it. Slowly, I am trying to become someone like this. It’s important to care. And for some, it means the world.
Somehow, I learned that through this process of writing these novels.
Friendship and understanding are important topics in all my stories, naturally, because they’re such important topics in life. But you shouldn’t hold back if someone needs your support, if you’ve got something to offer, even when you don’t know them.

That’s why I try my best to keep in touch with my followers, to read your posts and your messages and offer my support. It might not be much, but at least I’m doing something. I think it doesn’t matter who you are, or what the relation is. Whether you’re my closest friend, a reader or a complete stranger whose blog I’m reading, I want you to know that I care, that you and your cause is important. Whether it’s about standing up to a friend who’s said something unethical and you disagree with it, writing an e-mail to a politician, calling them out, walking in a demonstration or a Pride parade, or stepping in on the side of someone being bullied – you’re making a difference.

None of us are perfect. He isn’t either, but Maaya taught me to be more humane. For that, I’m grateful.
I will continue doing my best to be there for the people I care about. Being something for someone else isn’t as hard as you might think.

Happy Birthday, Maa-kun. And thank you~

MaayaGif

Birthday Cosplay from 2013~
No matter how much he inpires me though, I still have a hard time liking his sweet tastes!

“Hey, can you do my bookreport”

I was reading this article today (Norwegian only, sorry), and I had to laugh. Basically, the article is about a Norwegian mystery/crime novelist who talks about receiving mails from students doing book reports or semester assignments on him and his novels. He claims that the threshold for e-mailing the author personally is way too low in this country.. Why? Because not only are students e-mailing him asking for basic facts to put in their reports, but some even ask him to send them entire summaries of his novels. In other words – they are asking the author to do their assignment for them.
I found this immensely amusing because well, I’ve had some similar experiences myself. Though, I have yet to be asked to summarize my own novels, and so far nobody has asked me to answer their assignments for them, but I have had my share of e-mails with all kinds of weird questions that I cannot imagine are relevant to the sender’s book report.

I understand that the author in the article wonders if he should laugh or cry when he is mailed a list of generic questions, that are basically just copy-pasted from the demands made by the assignment. Still… At least you should know the gender of the person you’re doing the report on?

As amusing as I find this entire thing, I also do think it is a bit concerning that so many students take the easy way out, rather than doing their own assignments, or reading the books themselves. You’re only fooling yourself in the end, and honestly, there is a book for everyone out there, but to find it means to read.
Remember to do your own homework, kids!

With that said, I just want to clear something up. I mostly commented on this because of the hilarity of someone actually asking the author to summarize his own novel in 100-200 words, rather than doing it themselves. Does anyone really expect that the answer to this would be “Yeah sure, here is an in-depth analysis of my own novel for you.”
Not only is it ridiculous, but it’s also quite disrespectful towards someone who put so much work into this book, and you’re practically saying “I don’t care about your novel. I don’t want to read it. Tell me all about it yourself.”
As an author, I’ve had some harsh experiences where I’ve been at my table at some event and someone comes up, drawn in by Lanny’s amazing cover art, picked up a copy, flipped through it and then said “Ew, it’s an actuall book.” As much as I understand that not everyone enjoys reading, or that maybe my genre isn’t their thing, please consider the feeling of the author when they’re sitting right in front of you. Constructive criticism, and discussion is welcome, but don’t step all over the author without even having a valid argument!

I’m sure nobody means to hurt the author when they do things like this, and most authors probably just shrug it off and laugh, but the worry lies in how they don’t seem to consider the author at all. Moreover, cheating as a whole doesn’t bear witness to much self respect.

Woah, I didn’t mean for this to turn into a rant, I originally just wanted to share the article, but got carried away.

When it comes to me, I am always happy to answer your questions – I am, after all not your generic, best-selling author, so the amount of information available online is limited. You won’t find me on Wikipedia (as far as I know?), so if you’re doing a book report, or project on my writing, contacting me might be your only resort.
I don’t mind this one bit – in fact, I am incredibly honored whenever someone have chosen my novels or me for their assignments. It is a really strange feeling, but I’m very thankful!
However, know that while I will reply to any questions you might have about my writing, or personal details that might be relevant for the assignment, I will not tell you what my novels are about because you didn’t bother reading them (though, if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be picking me for your assignment in the first place, right?) . And, there are certain personal questions I won’t answer, namely concerning my family etc. But honestly, how relevant are my parents’ middle names to your book report?
What I’m trying to say is that I hope you will all consider before asking mundane questions to an author and asking them to solve your assignment for you. In some cases, the only way to get the answer you’re looking for, is to search out the author themselves, and that’s okay. And most authors are slightly narcissistic in nature – we love talking about our own projects, so most likely we’ll love the attention, but be respectful!

This entry is all over the place, so I think I’ll finish here. But if you have any wish to contact me about my writing for a project, don’t be afraid to do so, just drop me an e-mail!

Appreciate the old, embrace the new

I intended to post this on New Year’s Eve, as is customary for your typical end-of-year post. However, I am a lazy ass, and on New Year’s I was too busy eating everything in sight and watching horrormovies. The new year so far has already had its fair share of ups and downs, in the sense that January is never good for me, as something always breaks. In this case, my kitchen sink. Aside from that, it’s been good. Mostly spent rewatching Shingeki with awesome people, and sobbing about feels.

Anywyay, last year, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and get one of these:
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Conveniently, I got this pretty jar for Christmas, and it was just perfect for this exact purpose: Writing little notes throughout the year about the lovely things that have happened, and putting them in the jar. At the end of the year/start of the new one, you take them all out, and read them through.
I’ve spent some time today reading through the notes, laughing and smiling to myself as the memories return. Truthfully, I’ve slacked alot, so at times I hardly remembered to put notes in the jar at all, for instance, wouldn’t it be normal to put a note in for having been accepted by Emanga? Well, I seem to have forgotten.
Still, there were tons of good memories concealed in these notes. When I read them all, it ended up looking like this:
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Some of these made no sense, others were very simple and straight-forward. Some were not safe for work.
I think doing this should definitely become a tradition. I am the kind of person who hates forgetting things, and would prefer to document my entire life, so it’s right up my alley. But looking at the good things at the end of the year/start of the new one helps you see all the good things, and the rough times are pushed away. Trust me. In many ways, 2013 was one of the hardest years for me, but in the same time, it was one of the coolest, most awesome years of my life.
It doesn’t have to be all big things either! For instance, many of these notes are about bigger things, like concerts, publishing and our trip to Tokyo, but most of them are about all the small, funny things in life, such as yummy foods, good films, fangirling and every day situations.
Let me share some of the good moments with you (in no particular order):

Untitled-2I don’t know how well you can read those, but as you can see there’s all kinds of things, from anime series, to good weather, to completely mundane things. It’s the little things that weigh the heaviest. I think that everyone should join in and get your own jar of memories for 2014. It really is a good way to remember the good things in life, and even if it feels like there are none, that certainly isn’t the case. I know I will be taking these out once in a while when the world feels awful, and look at what I have to smile about instead.
The notes have been stored in an envelope, and the jar is currently ready to be filled with the best things of 2014.

Have a good year everyone.

40 hours of awesome!

So last weekend I attended Kaplah as a guest, and I also had the privilege of visiting Outland Kirkegata for a sign-session!

To be honest, the weekend was quite stressful, as we only spent about 40 hours in Oslo, and we almost missed the flight down there because we left 30 minutes too late and there was a queue from hell on the way to the airport. Miraculously, we made it to the gate in time, and landed safely in Oslo that night.
Then on Saturday, after being disappointed by how there was no bacon at the hotel buffet (yes I know I keep whining about this, but it’s the best part of any hotel stay!!) we went down to Outland.
Although not a whole lot of people could make it to the signing, I had a lot of fun while I was there! And it was so much fun meeting those of you who showed up to have your books signed, and stuck around to talk with me for a while. Thank you~♥

I want to thank the Outland staff for taking such good care of me, and making it such an enjoyable experience! Thank you so much for the fantastic set-up as I walked in as well!

While I was there, I had to meet pretty much everyone I know in the city, plus new people that my friends brought as well. So even though not a lot of people showed up, I was surrounded by all these amazing people, and it was just great.
It was especially great to see friends who I literally haven’t seen in years!

Afterwards I dragged part of my crazy ensemble over to Filmens Hus, for Kaplah. We were running a little late, not helped by the marathon happening in the streets, so we missed the opening show, but we still got to see the Q&A with Nordic Garrison, mingled a little, caught the Tolkien panel and then hung around for a bit before the Yaoi%Yuri panel started.
To be honest, I was very nervous about the works. Not because I worried about the panel in itself, but more because I had yet to meet my partner, and we didn’t really know how the panel would work out – if we were to discuss with each other, with an MC or the audience. But as soon as we shook hands, we just got along brilliantly and it turned out we had the same opinions and concerns. So we just got along swimmingly, and the panel turned out to be such a fun experience!

Both Eirik and I agreed that we should do this more often, and I’d definitely like to attend more panels like these in the future. It was so much fun, and very interesting to discuss with an audience and Eirik about various concerns and traits of both “genres”. If we hadn’t run out of time, I’m sure we’d be sitting there all night! Ahaha~

Thank you so much to everyone who attended the panel and asked questions and to those who joined us for the discussion after the panel had ended.

I also want to give a quick mention to the few, but awesome cosplayers who were there! I didn’t get to take a lot of photos myself, but everyone was amazing! Congrats to everyone who received prizes!

Although Kaplah lasted into the wee hours, we decided to call it a night after the cosplay winners had been announced. My friends and I were all tired, and we had our flight to think about the following morning, so we packed up nad left around 11.
A rather funny episode followed as we were walking back to the hotel along with one of my friends:

We were standing at a street light, waiting to cross when someone grabbed my shoulder from behind. I get a lot of attention because of my hair, so I’m used to (although I find it extremely unpleasant) drunk people seeking me out if I go out at night and such, so at first I assumed this was the case, but then I looked up into the face of the journalist from BLIKK who interviewed me at Aicon X-2! Such a surprise!
But a pleasant one at that! (´∇`) He said he’d contact me, so let’s see where this leads~

It was a fun experience in any case! hahah~

All in all, it was a highly successful but kind of tiring trip. And the flight home was kind of atrocious. But we made it back alive, had Chinese for dinner and got to enjoy our Sunday.

So yeah. I had tons of fun, and I’m so glad I was allowed to attend both of these events.
Thanks to everyone who made the weekend such an epic one!

Also fun fact: I didn’t have time to buy anything but food in Oslo, and felt super proud of myself. But then I got home and ordered one grand worth of manga online…. Eh. Σ(^∀^;)

Anyway, have some photos!

 

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Hahaha, the car in front of us on the way to the airport! I took this as as sign.

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This was an amazing sight to walk in on ♥

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Photo by Nahtalie Larson

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Forcing people to choose between my pretties ♥ Photo by Nathalie Larson

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“Look professional!”
Uh. All I can do is apologize for how bad this photo is, I seem to have murdered my camera.
We were going for a cool expert-kind of look, but it looks like some cheesy movie poster… Σ(^∀^;)

Well then, enjoy your Friday everyone! And hopefully I’ll see some of you at FCBD tomorrow!

Off to the Capital!

This really is a sad excuse for a blog. My apologies for never updating this thing. Although, I’m sure you get enough of me on all the other sites I spam daily.
As usual, I was intending to post this blog way earlier, but between studying for exams, studying in general, working and trying to have a life, time just didn’t stretch far enough. However, I’m sure you all know that I’ll be in Oslo tomorrow?
I was invited by Kaplah to attend their panel on yaoi and yuri, more specifically the influence of BL and yuri on modern day society, in political, commercial and social situations.
Because I was working on my notes for my mystery exams, I ended up falling behind on everything, and although I do consider myself somewhat an “expert” on BL, my thoughts are very unstructured, so I had to sit down properly and read up on terms, history etc to form a proper text I can refer to during the panel. Honestly, I almost wrote another novel, and I’m sure I can write even more, but the panel is only an hour long, and as of right now, I don’t know how it’ll be structured.
Being a control freak, that makes me slightly nervous. I tend to ramble, so I hope I can keep my cool. Eh. Σ(^∀^;)

Right now my biggest concern is something quite mundane: Clothes. What to wear…?
As many might be aware of, Trondheim still isn’t over winter, and especially in the part of the city where I live we’re still snowed in, more or less. Spring is coming, but very slowly, and yesterday during history class, we had a quick hailstorm. So naturally I have no idea what to wear in what is supposedly a warmer climate. Moreover, as I didn’t have the time to think of cosplay this time around, I kinda want to go all-out visual and have fun with it. But ugh. That wasn’t my point though… I think? I don’t know what to wear on the plane either. I just realize my shirt’s full of metal. I’ll have to change.
Not that it matters. I’ll be indoors all day.  The reason I’m getting into this discussion with myself over my wardrobe though has to do with how I apparently didn’t do any laundry while studying, how all my pantyhose are ripped – and by the way, when they’re made out of such  a fragile material it tears just by wearing it, who decided that placing a piece of cardboard down one leg, which you have to gently wriggle out and most likely tear the thing before you’ve even tried it on, was a good idea?! Packing would be much easier if I didn’t have to go through my drawers and decide which pieces are whole and not. *sigh*

What is this blog entry? I’m so sorry.

I’m a bit nervous regarding tomorrow, as I know there’s a lot of things going on in Oslo. Kaplah doesn’t start until four, but there’s another cosplay event being held about the same time as my signing at outland, so I hope people can still make it!

I’ll be flying in tonight, and coming back home Sunday morning. Somehow I’m still hoping to get time to hang with my friends in Oslo though. How will this even compute? OTL Relaxation is for the weak!

Anyway, if you want to meet me tomorrow, here’s my schedule:

I’ll be at Outland Kirkegata signing books from 13:00-15.30 tomorrow
Kaplah opens at 16:00. Age limit: 18. Tickets can be purchased at the door, but cash only! Bring ID.
The Yaoi/Yuri panel starts at 19:00 in the room called “Lillebil”.

Although I’m kind of nervous about the whole thing, it’s going to be so much fun, and I can’t wait to see everyone! Remember to bring your books if you’d like me to sign them!

Well then, back to packing.

Thank you 2012!

2012 is almost over, and we’re still here. Imagine that.
For me, there were hardships during this year that made me feel like if the world did end, it would be all the same, as I was sure this year would be the end of me anyway. This was all based on stress and pressure. I’m still dealing with some of it, and with more exams coming up in 2013, I’m already staking out a similar path for myself before the year has even begun. *sigh*

Looking back on this year, I felt like it was nothing special compared to 2010 and 2011 – in the sense that I haven’t travelled anywhere, I haven’t been to any concerts this year. But then, as I’m going through my memorybank, and my photos… 2012 was a damned good year.

To mention a few things:
One of my most precious friends returned home to play with us for something like a month, and everything was beautiful♥
I decided to join the Torucon-crew, and ended up a Jarl!
It can’t go unmentioned that D3 finally saw the light of day, and although I loved it passionately, the aforementioned stress only allowed me to play for a mere two months before I was forced away from the glorious hours of gaming….
I saw Hair in theatre, and it was absolutely incredible!
Somehow, summer was very productive: We redecorated parts of the apartment, threw out old things and bought more bookshelves, although the initial plan of getting a new sofa is still on hold. *sigh* And then of course I edited until my head spun – all through summer break and into December.
I reunited with a dear friend I hadn’t seen in years, and we had some glorious, nerdy moments.
All this productiveness accumulated in the long-awaited release of Jaded….
And a new project for NaNoWriMo. I have yet to finish the script, but I got surprisingly far with it right off the bat!
Then of course, Torucon was a major highlight of the year. Far better than we had dared to imagine, and easily one of the best days of my life.
For Halloween, I finally got to cosplay my favorite movie character of all times, a yearlong cosplay dream.
In between all of this there have been ups and downs. There were repetitions of the same annual movie/concert-marathons we do ever year. Traditions that me and my friends do at specific times every year, that never cease to be spectacular, no matter what.

In the end. 2012 has been a lovely year.
With that said, I have some resolutions that I’d like to try and keep for 2013:

* Read one book a week (I’m aiming to hit 38 before midnight tomorrow for this year, assuming I haven’t forgotten to list any more of my 2012-reads)
* Cosplay more! (2012 didn’t turn out to be my banner year after all.)
* Finish my current writing-project and hopefully publish it
* Spend more time with friends

It’s been a year of great difference; from hardships to bliss. It’s been challenging and it’s been tedious. It’s been everything a year should be, I suppose, even if it feels like we could do without the bad times. But looking back, there are things that I struggled with that have brought me somewhere new, and for that, I appreciate those hardships. Then there are others, that I still need to accustom to. Hopfully, 2013 will provide me with the tools. Hopefully, all I’ve decided to do in the coming year (and more) will be achieveable goals!

This year I’m too short on time (gonna write somet things and read another book before tomorrow) to post a whole bunch of photos from the year, so I’ll just bring two of the greatest sights of the year:

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Torucon. Photo courtesy of ISAK.

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And the sight that met me when I arrived at Outland on December 1st~

I hope you will all have a lovely New Year’s weekend, and a Happy New Year! ♥

Insanity

I’m surprised at my own energy level today. As you might’ve seen, I received Jaded back from my editor on Tuesday night, and he’s SO positive about it, I actually had to cry some joyous tears upon reading his comments.
However, we’re not done yet. Since that moment and up until 3 am last night, I’ve been poring over the script, making changes and editing grammar and minor typos. We’ve still got another 60 pages, which I’ll get as soon as he’s done with them, and then there’s another round. after that, all that remains is the proofing. so with this in mind, I’ve been surprisingly efficient, and I’ve honestly enjoyed this part of the editing process immensely. Well, with the exception of last night when I had some battles with myself, and with the processor. I feel like I hav a knige at my throat, ready to slice,as a major do not want appeared, and it might force me to have to make a major last-minute change. It won’t mean much to the story, but to me, it will really hurt. So I hope there’s a way to avoid it. If there isn’t, then so be it.

In any case. I finished editing at sometime before three, sent the script back, along with some other stuff, and a long-ass rant about my newfound issue, before crashing. I did get six hours of sleep, but I’d never think I’d actually function today. When I went to bed my eyes were red and florid, from fatigue, strain and allergies. I kept sneezing my head off, and my FACE was swollen. On top of that my head and neck hurt. Woke up this morning; not a trace of either. What?
What is this miracle?

It’s a strange feeling, not having to do anything. I’m so swamped from here on, I’m just going to take today to relax. Tomorrow I’ll be going to Outland’s Halloween event, doing a cosplay I’ve wanted to do for years! Haha, can you guess~ ?
Hopefully I’ll be able to finish the last 60 pages and the final round by Monday, so I can start cramming for my exam. *sigh* This is so stressful, but it’s going to be so worth it! But right now, I’m gonna take my super-clingy cat, and glue myself to teh couch, with snacks, while reading Perks.

Oh btw, winter has come to Trondheim.:

All of it. At once.
Enoy your weekend guys!